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Centuries ago, in a time marked by great darkness (to be clear, I’m talking about March here) I drew a few merit badges that reflected … well, to be honest, they didn’t really reflect much. I mostly just wanted to draw a bunch of Boy Scout looking shits but instead of focusing on stupid stuff like tying knots with the scoutmaster’s dick, opted for imagery involving skateboarding, alcohol, and cigarettes! So I guess they did reflect a certain sense of desperation — that whole “living to die” ethos that the chicks go nuts for these days.

At the time, I said I’d be drawing more of them, and smartly didn’t include any kind of time frame in which that promise would be fulfilled. Secretly, however, I intended to finish the rest of the batch within a week. So now, two months later, I finally kicked myself in the ass and got them done.

To be clear, I didn’t literally kick my ass over these — I don’t want you to think I was that serious about it, just in case these suck. And for the record, I can kick myself in the ass, quite literally, in case that happens to be something you’re willing to pay for.

I was never a boy scout — I only made it to Wolf, or Bear or some kind of animal — so I decided to make some merit badges for our wasting generation. The Stupids — can I submit that as our name? What are we? Millennials? Echo Boomers? That shit makes us sound like super heroes. Super heroes don’t have time for Twitter. Super heroes don’t care how Brad Pitt and Angelina’s marriage is holding up these days. But they do care about Brad Pitt’s scraggly goat man beard, because that shit is a crime.

It has little twists.

Anyway…

I will be doing more of these. And when they’re all done, we can sit down, look at them all together, and have a conversation about whether or not this is going to be a Bloomingdales exclusive, or what.