Monks whose bodies remain incorrupt without any traces of deliberate mummification are venerated by some Buddhists who believe they successfully were able to mortify their flesh to death. … Sokushinbutsu (即身仏) were Buddhist monks or priests who caused their own deaths in a way that resulted in their mummification. It is believed that many hundreds of monks tried, but only between 16 and 24 such mummifications have been discovered to date.

Even if the Internet is liquefying my brains, at least it’s (and by “it” I mean mostly Wikipedia) stimulating them while it’s at it. The next time you feel like quitting something, ask yourself this, “Would a monk mummy quit?” Because monk mummies quit when they’re dead, bitch.

For 1,000 days (a little less than three years) the priests would eat a special diet consisting only of nuts and seeds, while taking part in a regimen of rigorous physical activity that stripped them of their body fat. They then ate only bark and roots for another thousand days and began drinking a poisonous tea made from the sap of the Urushi tree, normally used to lacquer bowls.

This caused vomiting and a rapid loss of bodily fluids, and most importantly, it made the body too poisonous to be eaten by maggots. Finally, a self-mummifying monk would lock himself in a stone tomb barely larger than his body, where he would not move from the lotus position. His only connection to the outside world was an air tube and a bell. Each day he rang a bell to let those outside know that he was still alive.

When the bell stopped ringing, the tube was removed and the tomb sealed. After the tomb was sealed, the other monks in the temple would wait another 1,000 days, and open the tomb to see if the mummification was successful.

If the monk had been successfully mummified, they were immediately seen as a Buddha and put in the temple for viewing.

Um… so basically what you’re saying is we can expect The Mummy 4: Curse of the Lotus Position 3D coming soon?

Parents, stay vigilant! Your children are more gullible than ever!

I heard it was like, some weird like, demons and stuff through an iPod or something. He was just freaking out! — Meghan Edwards, Mustang High School Student

A shocking testimony, to be sure. Maybe it’s just me, but shouldn’t the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics be more concerned with, um, real drugs? Like the crystal meth I imagine 85% of the state’s population is addicted to?

Are we going to crack down on apple juice whenever the 4th graders pretend that they’re drinking beer now too?

Anyway, what the fuck do I know, I just got high as fuck off my Casio Digital Piano.

It feels nothing like how violent it looks from the outside. It’s very serene. The ground and the sky are so white there is no boundary between them.

Here are a few photos of my favorite builds, courtesy of Chabott Engineering:

Everything about Kimura’s bikes have a “more than meets the eye” appeal — to me, they kind of look like if Transformers crash landed on Earth during a post-apocalyptic Mad Max-esque future (just with fewer insane screaming phone calls to girlfriends). Which would be incredible, obviously.

Hallucinogenic Plants, written by Richard Evans Schultes and published in 1976, was an attempt to educate the new generation on all of the weird flowers and leaves their parents were always making tea with, and delivered it in a simple, easily-digested form, ideal for a grade-school audience. The book also includes beautiful color illustrations by Elmer W. Smith so as to aid in locating magical flora that may be growing on the outskirts of your local playground, for example.

Of course, the book was quickly recalled due to the fact that it promoted mind expansion, psychic exploration, and worst of all, fun. Nonetheless, booksellers’ post-recall descriptions of the tome are nearly as entertaining as some of the plants described within.

Only edition, suppressed by the publisher. Indeed, how the Golden Guide series, devoted to nature books for a youthful audience, came to publish this delightful manual remains a mystery. We do know they quickly recalled it and it has become a most sought-after book.

Scarce book which was pulled from shelves and discontinued shortly after being issued. “Say kids, tired of looking for fossils, how about exploring the dangerous and mind-altering world of hallucinogenic plants?” Discontinued for obvious reasons.

The question remains - what were they thinking? A “Golden Guide” to hallucinogenic plants??? Our little Golden Guides - the ones we used as kids to look up birds and trees and mosses? Hallucinogenic plants? How many editors lost their jobs over this one? The book was promptly recalled and, as another wit has observed, is unlikely to be reissued.

Classic Golden Guide, best book they ever did, quickly recalled through pressure by the Moralist Minority. Proves again Leary’s adage: “(hallucinogens) are known to cause psychotic reactions in people (and groups) that have never taken them.”

It’s now a prized collectible codex, with rare hardcover copies fetching as much as $500 on some online vintage book retailers. Fortunately for you, if you’re interested in this kind of unpatriotic, immoral trash, the druggies at Erowid have done history a kindness by posting the full text and the accompanying illustrations online, where the children of the future can discover its secrets with even less risk of detection by their parents than ever before.

If you’re in a camp and a bear attacks, you don’t have to be faster than the bear. You only have to be faster than the slowest camper. — Michael Ruppert

This trailer for Collapse, doomsayer-at-large Michael Ruppert’s documentary on the impending oil crisis and ensuing economic meltdown is the kind of shit designed to keep you up at night. Go figure… and here I thought ruminating on the end of civilization as we know it was kind of relaxing. Seriously though, what are we gonna do when we’re too busy barricading our doors to check Facebook? WHAT THEN?

He contends that he doesn’t research conspiracy theories, rather, his area of expertise is conspiracy facts. And when he says shit like that while blowing cigarette smoke out of his flaring nostrils, I fucking believe him. But enough fear-mongering already, let’s go get some guns.

Although honestly, I don’t know what’s scarier: Michael Ruppert’s nightmarish visions of the future, or the YouTube comments for this trailer.

That Quaker Oats comment is about the only thing keeping me from holing up in a bunker and peeing in jars right now.

Operating a proton pack under the influence of drugs or alcohol is extremely irresponsible, Dr. Spengler. My god, you’re supposed to be a scientist, man!

Some tell of a Fred McFeely Rogers with a tortured past… his story was a harrowing tale full of death, but it was also one of redemption. After his passing in 2003, the urban legend gained increased fervor, and was attached to a chain email that was making the rounds at the time.

On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PBS, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeve sweater to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. A master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat. He hid that away and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.

Hid it away… like a silent killer hiding in the tall grass, waiting for his target to emerge from his hut so that he can kill him in front of the man’s crying family. That his signature cardigan was actually only there to disguise his scary tattoos is almost a juicier bit than his kill count. And his subsequent dedication to educating children and ordination as a Presbyterian minister later in life is told to be an effort to save his soul. A perfect legend… too perfect, perhaps.

The story is fantastic… I wish it was true, but the true, uh, truth is that Mr. Rogers was just a genuinely good person. After college, Fred Rogers pursued a career in television and later entered the seminary to study theology because he honestly just liked teaching children and reading about god and shit. I know. Boring.

Photo via J. Elhew Bisbee

New from LEGO! The “Arizona Illegal Immigrant Arrest”

Enjoy hours of fun arresting brown people, but watch out for “discrimination laws!” Stop Speedy Gonzales from stealing a construction job and put him in hand cuffs! And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the gun…

Includes 3 minifigures: Mexican Illegal, Victimized Construction Worker, and Heroic Policeperson!

For more information on J. Elhew Bisbee, please reference the comic strip below.

By night, he can be found combing dumpsters for the discarded toys of yesteryear… by day, stealing food at catered hotel conferences across the country.

Not sure? No total recall, if you will? How ’bout now.

Kindergarten Cop. Absolutely no relation to Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Another one of Ivan Reitman’s home-runs from the 80s. Okay, so it was released in 1990, but everything he’s done since hasn’t exactly glittered quite like Stripes or Ghost Busters. Take My Super Ex-Girlfriend, for example. Ah well, we all have to pay rent, I suppose.

Speaking of Ivan Reitman and some of his other cohorts… from IMDb —

Bill Murray was originally offered the role of John Kimble.

Danny DeVito was also considered for the role of John Kimble, but was not given the part due to his height.

Bill Murray would have been interesting… Danny DeVito would have come across way too creepy. Nobody could have done it better than Arnold, though — he truly makes the movie. And I swear to god I’m not laughing at him, I’m laughing with him — I feel his frustrations, his pride, his love… I feel his joy!

When you’re watching Kindergarten Cop, it’s hard not to feel like it’s the best movie ever made. Now, just because it isn’t doesn’t mean that feeling isn’t worth something. Here, I’ll prove it to you.

Isn’t your life just a little bit better because of that? That is the power of Kindergarten Cop… that’s the power of good cinema, period. But that’s not the power of a Terminator, because they’re created for but one, sinister purpose: to kill.

BP Gas Station in Ohio - photo via the Rachel Maddow Show

Heh. The irony is palpable.

In all seriousness though, we’re looking at the biggest ecological disaster of our times — simply stopping the gushing oil is only the very beginning of this massive problem.

Things will continue to worsen in the Gulf for months if not years, and continuing ill-effects will be felt for decades. Species might go extinct. The shores along the Caribbean and the southeastern seaboard will be polluted. And that’s a conservative estimate. Ever seen that hot tube diarrhea video? Imagine if that hot tub was the entire Atlantic Ocean. Yeah, so… I could go on… after all, the horrific consequences of this tragedy sure are.

Likley path of the oil for four months following the spill - via CNNMoney.com

Donate to Tri-State Bird Rescue & Research, or the International Bird Rescue Research Center — it’s the least any of us can do. Feeling more charitable than that? Donate a couple Molotov cocktails to your local BP gas station. It won’t really help the situation, but it’ll sure feel good anyway.

Just some further proof that Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of the finest actors of our time.