12.12.2012

Wall-mounted horseman of the apocalypse

Ladies and gentlegerms, meet Billy the Big Mouth Bass. Billy used to be a cultural icon of gloriously irritating kitch. But as his prominence in our stinking pop culture stew faded over the years, Billy turned to partying to fill the void in his animatronic heart. Wild partying turned more desperate over the years as Billy slipped into a nightmarish cycle of addiction and withdrawal, only finding solace at last in the teachings of the Dark Lord, Satan.

Somewhere along the line, Billy also had a string of plastic surgeries to alter his appearance to more closely resemble that of a rainbow trout, but that’s neither here nor there. What we can say, however, is that what was once a notorious and hideous Secret Santa gift, often relegated to the dark corners of over-crowded garages and attics, has now become quite possibly the funniest fucking thing I’ve seen in quite some time. Oh Billy, you may have lost the will to live, but you certainly haven’t lost your demonic charm.

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  1. CoolKidsDontDie  ¦  10.58 PM  ¦  12.22.2012

    that desciption may or may not have just filled a void in my empty heart

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