I think we can all agree that some incredibly lame shit is circulating out there in the world today thanks to the meddling efforts of oblivious, well-do-to goons who don’t know the first thing about skateboarding. There’s a reason the fundamental design of a skateboard has not been largely changed or improved in the 50-some years that skateboards have actually existed — it is essentially perfect already. No amount of added wheels, or snaking, segmented sections, or hand-breaking mechanisms will ever make a significant positive impact on your skateboarding experience. In fact, most attempts to update the tried-and-true formula result in little more than laugh-worthy new ways to hurt yourself and look stupid while doing it.
Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there’s also no shortage of people trying to find new, fashionable applications for skateboards. Rather than reinvent the skateboard, these intrepid innovators have tried to reinvent other things using skateboards — be it furniture, platform heels, and now even work-out routines, if there’s a way to incorporate a skateboard into something that already exists, chances are good somebody has tried it, because people are greedy and oblivious. Case in point:
Why you should try it
Because you’re alone, desperate, and have never done a single cool thing in your entire life.
Now, maybe I’m just biased here, but I kind of tend to think, you know, actually skateboarding would be a much better way to improve your image using a skateboard, as opposed to using a board for some emasculating work-out routine in order to attain “skateboard abs.” Doing doggy-style reps, bent over on your brand new cruiser as if you’re a brand new cruiser just doesn’t seem to exude quite the same sexiness. Maybe I’m wrong.