March 2012


Bloodsucking Maneuvers

Saw these flicks of Ed Templeton fucking the shit out of a very sizable bump to bar on Burnout this week, and had to post them up. Just to bask in the glory of it all.

ed templeton ollie Bloodsucking Maneuvers

Testing the waters. If ya can’t ollie it, that probably doesn’t bode well for your chances of doing anything else over it. Speaking of…

ed templeton 180 Bloodsucking Maneuvers

This was a hundred 80 if I had to guess. What’s the story with those gloves, on the other hand? Well… your guess is as good as mine.

ed templeton 360 flip Bloodsucking Maneuvers

Tre bomb? It’s all in the back foot, or so I’m told.

ed templeton drawing for toy machine Bloodsucking Maneuvers

[all photos by Michael Burnett / artwork by Ed Templeton]

Maybe it’s true. Maybe vegans really are just better than other people. Actually… strike that. Maybe Ed Templeton is just better than other people.


Butts Up

You got that right, Ice-T, and don’t act all coy, you probably run that website, or one like it.

suv ice t website devoted to butts Butts Up

Sure are a lot of ‘em goin’ around these days.

ten gigs worth of womens butts Butts Up

Man, my hits are going to go way up when those potent “an entire website dedicated to women’s butts” and “ten gigs worth of women’s butts” search strings start hitting Doctor Google. So psyched.

Fuck it, they’ll probably go up more from Law & Order searches in all reality… Right? People are still down with SUV, right? Look, I’ll just say this much… I didn’t go to college. I went to The Law & Order Institute, and I took Special Victim’s 101 at 7pm and the Criminal Intent lecture series at 8, every night of the week.


Join, or Die

To everybody who ever said all my fucking around on the Internet was a waste of time, that my silly little online “diaries” would never amount to anything, well, they did amount to something, you assholes! They amounted to me nearly getting expelled in high school, and now they amounted to a box full of amazing, free - amazingly free - shit!

Every young skater dreams of one day getting flowed packages of t-shirts and boards from their favorite companies — unfortunately, most of these dreams turn into beer guts and hideously mobbed kickflips over the years. But, somehow, despite incredible odds, this young skater’s dreams actually came true! And yeah, they kinda turned into those other things too, but that’s beside the point.

5boro boards Join, or Die

We now have non-corporate sponsorship icon wink Join, or Die

Fun Fact: 5Boro was the first team I saw at a demo when I was but a teenaged husk of who I was to become. I’d like to think the event played a critical role in the formation of the generally incredible human being I am today, if nothing else, just because the guys showed me that it actually was possible to have fun at my town’s sad excuse for a skatepark. An important lesson for any inexperienced skater, to be sure.

Big ups to Ryan at The Berrics and everybody at 5Boro for making this beautiful event in my life a reality and not just something I fantasize about while I’m writing in my online diary.


File Under: Spots I would like to skate

And now, for your daily dose of skate porn!

ditch spot File Under: Spots I would like to skate

[photo via Vice]

I sure wish New York City had something resembling the ditch spots littered across the sunny, dusty promised land that comprises this country’s southwesterly corner. I could comfortably retire, right there, in between those two banks. It might not look like much of an East Coast spot, but a closer inspection would reveal that the rough, gravelly surface, the broken shards of glass strewn about, and the distinct scent of ages-old bum urine, aren’t so different from many of our cherished spots-that-aren’t-really-spots. This, however, really is a spot. Now if only it wasn’t nearly 2,000 miles away.


We be loyal scouts

You got that right, another skull drawing. Hey, what do you want from me? It’s the only thing I know how to draw… besides, like, bones. Plus, I had to get something up here instead of those flowers. I just can’t afford to tarnish this tough guy image I’ve got going on any more than I already have.

cub scout skull We be loyal scouts

Decided to do this little doodle up in Cub Scouts of America colors, because, aside from being a lover of flowers, I’m also, apparently, a pederast icon eek We be loyal scouts

Just kidding, just kidding! I promise to post, like, tons of pictures of vaginas soon to make up for it, and not only because I’m afraid there might not be enough to go around on Tumblr already.


Flower Power

How about some seasonably warm photos on this most glorious Monday? It’s like they say, February temperatures consistently in the 60 degree range bring March flowers! Haha, we’re all going to die.

white flowers in tree Flower Power

bunch of white flowers on sidewalk Flower Power

Come see the softer side… of tumbleweeds.

flowering trees Flower Power

pink flowers and powerline Flower Power

single flower on sidewalk Flower Power

Hey, I’m a jack-of-all-trades kind of guy. It’s not all crusty street photography and pictures of weed, you know. I’m into other kinds of flowers, too — can’t you tell?


The Flight of the Pigeons

We may be only “offically” 3 days into spring, but considering things were seeming rather spring-like back in February, I’ve already got summer on my mind. Plus, after a sweaty slappy session late last evening in the steamy night air, I felt like I had been transported to June. What will happen to East Coast skaters when we can’t boast our resilience to long, harsh winters anymore? Um… well, we probably won’t lose as many tricks and sprain ankles as often in the spring, for starters. I can live with that, I guess.

In any case, the calendar might say “March”, but it seems like it really means “Daytona Beach.”

welcome to daytona beach sign The Flight of the Pigeons

pier post palm trees The Flight of the Pigeons

twilight poster flea market The Flight of the Pigeons

Not a bad deal.

pigeons flying over boardwalk The Flight of the Pigeons

You gotta be quick when a flock of pigeons abruptly decides to make its noble ascent to better french-fry grazing pastures. Trust your instincts, and click the fucking button already. Unfortunately, I seem to have instinctually dismembered one of the street dove’s wings, and by the time I could recompose the shot, them mother fuckers were gone. But I guess the imperfect framing injects some welcome spontaneity to the shot… at least, that’s what I’m telling myself. Just another moment in the life of a habitual moment-catcher, what can I say?


No standing anytime

Cot-damn, that Jake Johnson Gravis ad in the latest issue of “The Mag” — wait… which magazine does that term actually refer to anyway? Thrasher or The Skateboard Mag? I meant The Skateboard Mag “Mag”. Okay, whatever mag mang, the point is, that Jake Johnson ad (which I scanned by the way, and shittily at that, because none of you philistines had bothered to yet) is fucking sick.

jake johnson gravis ad No standing anytime

Considering dude just went pro for Alien Workshop after a lengthy but often provocative stay in the minor leagues, looks like 2012 is shaping up to “the year” for young Jake. The year, the mag, the fuck?

There should be another big Alien production soon, while the team is at its peak condition since probably the Photosynthesis era. This your moment guys - fuck it - this is “the moment”. Capture it! - and preferably on film!

Also, speaking of this month’s mag… how’s everybody feeling about that Alex Olson Nike ad? Kinda weird, right?



Inspired by Daewon Song’s rocking’ ode to rock skating I posted earlier this week, I went searching for some rocks of my own to skate. And I drew some rocks, too. But I didn’t smoke any rocks, since I gave that shit up for Lent.

You probably should have figured this out by now, especially after watching that Daewon video, but skateboarding breeds creativity. Of course, most of us aren’t exactly on Daewon’s level, so that creativity often ends up resulting in little more than sprained ankles, and ways to turn video games into drinking games, or, in my case, silly little doodles.

dedleg rock Lifted

And by the time I was done drawing it, it didn’t even look like much of a rock at all. I swear it started out as a rock, or at least something more closely resembling a rock. But that’s just the way it goes with art, man, you gotta like, let it take you where it wants to go… you know?

As if I hadn’t already gotten sidetracked enough, I was also unable to find any actual rocks to skate, unless you count concrete as a rock, in which case I rock n’ rolled the shit out of some rocks. And I happened to fall on a dead bird while I was skating the BQE Lot yesterday, and I gotta be honest… I’m a little worried I’m going to turn into a walker when I die now. Granted, I was probably infected already just from being within a 3-block-radius of the BQE Lot in the first place. Nonetheless, it’s got me so scared that my rocks are looking more like tiny pebbles right now. I don’t know how people living in an actual zombie apocalypse deal with it.



simpsons santa cruz 500th episode Cowabunga!

Hot on the tail of their last series of Simpsons-inspired cruisers, Santa Cruz just released a slasher shape to honor The Simpsons’ 500th episode. Appropriately enough, only 500 of these Rat-Fink-looking motherfuckers will be made, so if you want to make everyone in your wake eat your shorts, you’d better fork over some dough. Just don’t, like, have a cow, man, when you see the unfortunate 85-dollar price tag.

In any case, is this the first time in skateboarding history that a company has sponsored an entire family? I don’t know, but Bart’s got some sick graphics, so don’t just lie there like an unemployed whale — these overpriced skateboards need a good home!


Only slightly above the influence

I’ve decided I don’t want to live in a world where these are illegal in most places.

edi pure watermelon tart Only slightly above the influence

[image via full-monty]

How long must we wait for New York lawmakers to get the right highdea and legalize medical marijuana? We’ve got 8 million pissed off, stressed out assholes shuffling their miserable way through this city every single day. This is exactly the kind of medicine New York City needs, god damn it! And look, I’m not going to bullshit with you here… to be perfectly honest, it’s less the medicinal aspect I care about, and more the fact that I just really want to try some of those dumb watermelon slices.

Oh, and excuse the - heh - high frequency of weed-related posts lately if that’s not your thing, even though you should be aware that makes you, like, such a nerd. I guess the good weather brings out the fiend in me. And, well, I also just really like weed, so… yeah.