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Decided to put some big ass tires on my new ride yesterday, while the warm winds still see fit to be kind to us.

My lovely and talented girlfriend was so good as to purchase me my very own Zip Zinger for Christmas, which has ultimately become a gift for her in a way too, as it makes me much more inclined to go for late-night beer runs. Nonetheless, there was a problem. Despite the smooth, silky ride the Zip Zinger’s default configuration offers, I found it wasn’t quite suiting my needs. Sure, the soft 55mm, 78A tires that came stock are troopers when it comes to chewing up the treacherous Brooklyn landscape. But soft wheels also come with one major limitation — powersliding on them is not really an option. Plus, the ideal cruiser board should be able to handle a hearty hill bomb, and that’s when you can’t afford to have your wheels fail you.

That being said, I decided to pick up these girthy, hard-as-radioactive-rock Spitfires. I thought I would overcompensate for the inherently rougher ride that a hard wheel provides with a little extra beefiness. Check out the size difference. 5 millimeters makes a big difference, apparently. Particularly when it comes to the likelihood of me catching wheel bite, and quickly thereafter, catching my bloody, bone-shattering, untimely demise.

Admittedly, when I started putting them on, I became immediately skeptical. They look like clown shoes. For ~$30 dollars, this is a pretty expensive skateboard experiment, and the board won’t look kindly on failure.

Thought about just leaving the back ones on and hot-rodding it out. Sometimes only going half way is really going all the way.

I forged on, however, and I’m still not entirely convinced I made the right choice here. I’ve basically turned my baby into a monster truck. It’s even got the Gravedigger color scheme going on, which is cool, I guess. Only one way to find out if it’s anywhere as cool as actual monster trucks, though. Hang tight, gang. I’ll report back with my findings.

Gucci Mane - Photo Shoot (Flying Lotus Remix)

And if your skateboard wants glamor shots — Dedleg is your guy! Glamor shots make great birthday presents, or just an everlasting way of saying, “I love you, you’re beautiful.”

UPDATE: I’m having a hard time thinking of a better investment in my future that I’ve ever made — these wheels certainly beat dumb college, at the very least. I felt as if I was riding atop a chariot made of day-glo fire, bounding across the face of Mount Olympus, thunderbolts shooting out of my ass like mighty Zeus himself. It was, in a word, awesome.

P.S. Excluding this postscript, this article has exactly 420 words