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Check out this still frame from Soulja Boy’s latest video, “Clueless,” uh, I mean, “50/13″. Tell me these aren’t the stupidest-looking bunch of kooks you’ve ever seen.

Soulja Boy makes Lil Wayne look like Eric Koston. — Willy Staley

Naturally, I love the fat kid holding a board that doesn’t even have trucks or griptape on it. What, did he just buy that from Pac Sun and they’re celebrating in the parking lot of the mall? Worse than him though is probably the dude on the right, who I guess is really going for that hipster-irony thing with his “I am swag” t-shirt, which is so obviously incorrect.

It’s important to start your morning off right. This guy knows what’s up, because he’s, ya know, a dragon, and spent a considerable percentage of his lifetime “up.”

I just had to share my newest acquisition: a real life dragon’s head (I mean, just look at that detail), which has been hollowed out so as to be a perfect containment unit for incense sticks. Surprisingly affordable, too, considering I don’t have the faintest clue where you’d even find a real life dragon, let alone how you’d manage to cut off its head once you did. Amazing, the shit you can find on eBay.

The results of a half-decade’s worth of research, experience and clinical trials are finally in. Super Sour Diesel > Super Silver Haze. It’s clear to me now, that not entirely unlike Vin Diesel, in any match-up Sour Diesel simply can never lose.

Did you know smoking high-quality marijuana all but eliminates the negative side effects commonly associated with this “drug”? Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

This is, admittedly, pretty gross, but completely inevitable.

Also gross, and inevitable: YouTube comments conjured from the depths of the Internet’s hell, which is kind of like saying “Hell’s hell”…

Doubt most people will be loving this, but I found it reeked of hilarity, because I don’t take shit too seriously, nah’msayin?

This week, we will watch January turn to February amid temperatures holding steadily in the 40s and 50s. Is winter in its twilight? I don’t know, but these photos sure are.

You know me, I’ve never met a sunset I didn’t like. Throw a bridge in there though, and I might as well be a 5-year-old plopped in front of Veggie Tales.

I think that “advisory” sign on the right says something to the effect of, “if you pull up a dead body, you should probably just throw it back. Dead bodies found in New York Harbor are not safe to consume.”

The waterfront in Bay Ridge, near Owl’s Head park, is perhaps a bit off the beaten-path, but it’s worth the trip for a truly unique vantage point of Manhattan Island. As a point of interest, there are veritable fleets of ships coming in and out of the harbor all the time, for the seaman-loving people in the audience. And if you’re into double-features, you can watch the sunset and then break into Owl’s Head skatepark once the lights go out. The cost of admittance is merely a subway ride and a decent amount of patience.

Like I said, there are tons of ships, including even pirate ships, apparently. Are you sold yet? Bay Ridge: I sure wouldn’t want to live there, but it’s a nice place to visit.

What’s there to say about this one… hot on the heels of the “shit [some demographic] say” Internet wildfire, “Shit Pro Skaters Say” with Chris Roberts pretty much says it all.

Check back next week when I promise I’ll put together some content that isn’t just shit you already saw on Crailtap mixed in with the occasional overwrought, run-on-sentence excuse.

Bridges are wonderful structures — they connect areas that would otherwise be divided by a natural border, and their undersides make a fine place to build an illegal DIY skatepark!

Feelin’ this Crailtap clip of the day with Rick McCrank, and not just because he’s a super guy. Tucked somewhere in Vancouver, Leeside looks like a fun little skate cave if I ever saw one, and I’ve begun to crave spots like this what with my age and complete inability to do anything good on a ledge. The best part about Leeside however, which Rick somehow didn’t consider, is the fact that it’s shielded from the elements by an impenetrable concrete shell.

Anyway, more later. Crazy week over here — I’m quite literally working for the weekend right now, only with less half-naked Chris Farley and much more swearing under my breath.

I found this on Quartersnacks today, and I don’t have a clue where they found it, or if they’ve actually been so blessed as to have seen this floating castle with their own eyes. One imagines it might have similar effect as looking upon the face of god — only blindness and abject fear can come of it. Nonetheless, I was morally compelled to post it as I have spent considerable time in the past decade participating in a widely-regarded juvenile past time which is currently systematically destroying the inner workings of my Skeletomuscular system and will surely never land me a well-paying job, like, anywhere.

Come with me where you’ll never, never have to worry about grown up things again…

Indeed, a full-blown case of skateboard-obsession is a disease, as obviously only a mental condition of the most severe order could result in somebody actually building a half pipe tree house. Don’t get me wrong, I understand this mental illness, because I share it. In fact, I can say with a fair degree of certainty that this is the coolest thing I have ever seen. Cooler than anything I’ve ever posted on this blog and considered cool before. Cooler than the Ninja Turtles when I was five years old. Yes, that cool. The only way this could possibly be cooler, is if it was a fully-featured bowl complex, but I don’t even want to know what kind of complex it would take for somebody to actually try to accomplish such a thing.

There’s a lot of sickness to be contained in a mere 3 minutes, 52 seconds here. Gilbert Crockett and his friends in Richmond, Virginia are working on a new homie-video called Cellout, which based on this promo, is going to be pretty fucking great:

Awesome spots in there too. Imagine if the BQE Lot was as developed as that bridge spot at the beginning… fuck me.

Also, am I the only one who thinks if I could only have one spot for the rest of my life, that bank at about 1:00 in would be enough to keep you happy? I mean, sure, you could do better, but how much do you really need?

Gilbert Crockett is, in my opinion, a very exciting up-and-comer and I find myself liking pretty much everything he puts out. There’s something kind of unique about him which I can’t quite put a finger on, but I do know I really like his kickflips and that ninja-pop thing he always does. I also like the fact that even though he’s, technically speaking, a “baller” now, with major league sponsorships from Alien Workshop and Vans, he’s still putting out local videos, just for, quite apparently, the fun of it.

Man, there are people out there doing some incredibly sick shit.

Had to post this… HUF just partnered with Japanese artist Haroshi, known for making sculptures out of skateboard decks, and Bay Area-based all-things-skateboarding operation DLX for a unique collaboration including clothing, sneakers, hard goods, and some incredible artwork by Haroshi, which, as a bit of a fartist myself, is of particular interest to me.

Haroshi did an actual sculpture of this, which was later screenprinted onto a Zip Zinger deck, which is particularly awesome for me, as I’ve basically made my Zip Zinger my day-to-day skateboard now. Only 400 of these bad boys were made, so if you’d like the opportunity to focus one after a long and meaningful relationship, you’d better get on it.

Available at HUF’s online store amongst other fine skate shops, including DQM, if you happen to live in New York.

It’s a shame something so beautiful is ultimately meant for destruction, but such is the way of skateboarding, indeed, you might even say it is the heart of it.

Now, on to the real bangers…

Ramondetta’s Arm

Fire Hydrant

In case you missed it, all of these sculptures are made out of stacks of used decks, essentially repurposing destruction and making something beautiful out of it all over again. It’s the circle of art!

Spitfire Classic

Actual Spitfire Classics as bearings… fuckin’ A… “A” for amazing detail. I’m just shitting over this stuff, you guys. Just gotta get it out, you know?

Apparently I had some anxiety over starting the week as I spent much of last night tormented by psychotic dreams. However, that evening, I also had watched the trailer for Event Horizon, one of the most deeply disturbing films I can recall seeing as a young, impressionable adolescent. So it might have been that. Or it may have been the entirety of the $6.99 Trader Joe’s hummus quartet, ostensibly my dinner, which I consumed between the hours of 12:00 and 1:00 am, which is likely the truest horror of them all.

Nonetheless, it wasn’t all bad. At some point my subconscious thoughts turned to something I often dream of in the daylight hours, skateboarding, and I was whisked away to a completely imagined, but beyond perfect, spot — a giant castle/museum/plaza covered in white marble. Perhaps it was a vision of heaven, remembered by my subconscious before I was born, I don’t know, it’s entirely plausible. And the best part is, as I opened my eyes to the dream, charging downhill atop my board, I looked to my left and there was TNT, Tony Trujillo himself, a man once described by Jason Dill as “when [he] skates he looks like a beautiful Indian on fire.” And indeed, he is. We skated together all night, and when I woke up this morning, he was gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.

[Images via Chrome Ball Incident]

But anyway, here are some photos (of my own). Not related to skateboarding, or dreams, or Leonardo DiCaprio in a dream, or Indians on fire, or anything. Just a few ran-dumbs from a similarly gray day, perhaps one spent dreaming of skateboarding even…

Man, light is just too cool. These types of photos might be totally self-indulgent, but it’s my blog and I’ll act like a cat chasing a laser pointer if I want to.

I took 7 nearly identical shots of this tree, and not a single one of them is sharp. I guess that’s what you get for trying to take a picture out of a filthy, rain-spattered window. Nonetheless, I wanted to get a shot anyway since there are always a downright Hitchcockian level of birds in this tree outside my window. I don’t know why, I guess it’s more comfortable than the other trees in the area? The drinks are cheaper? I walk around naked too much and it’s funny to them? Who knows.

Stay dry this weekend, kiddies. Saturday’s supposed to bring a wintry mix of nasty proportions… granted, not nearly as nasty as a work week. Plus, who doesn’t like an excuse to smoke herb and stare out the window? Not like I ever needed one before, but I’m just sayin’ is all.