November 2011

11.30.2011

Rise of the Machines

Centuries from now, alien scientists researching human culture at the dawn of the 21st century will come to a single, unanimous opinion, “those dummies sure wasted a lot of time.”

Case in point: this video.

Future case in point: this video may well have over a million views by the end of the week.

Please note the motivational poster hanging on the back wall of the room. “Potential.” Heh. How apropos.

YouTube tells me that there is “no description available” for the video, but I think a more accurate message would be, “no description adequate,” don’t you?

11.29.2011

It's hard to find me because I'm so into art

Is it parody, comedy, novelty, or scholarly? A little bit of Column A, a little bit of
Column B. — Das Racist

Nobody says it better (or is it stranger?) than skateboarding’s preeminent eccentric/outlaw biker/hermit/guy who wears mesh hats on top of beanies, Jason Jessee.

The part is only a minute long, and features more sarcastic free association about arts and farts and crafts than it does actual skating, but really, this is all a part needs to be. You certainly get an accurate, albeit far too brief, portrait of JJ’s personality and his skateboarding… no ramped slow-mo, silhouettes of birds or sensitive, self-conscious close-ups in glistening HD necessary. If all short, disappointing sections were this good, you wouldn’t even notice that they were short and disappointing. Keep it simple, keep it weird.

That’s all for now — a convocation of regrettable real-world obligations are keeping me from my post today. More (much) later.

11.28.2011

Frogboarder of The Year

If you want to be the best at something, all you’ve got to do is try something nobody else is willing to do.

The thing is, as ridiculous as this dude’s version of skateboarding is, it is pretty impressive. Don’t get me wrong, more than anything, it’s fucking hilarious. But this isn’t some lazy man’s comedy. Dude worked to be this fucking funny-looking.

frogboard polejam Frogboarder of The Year

frogboard pushing Frogboarder of The Year

Why anybody beyond 6-year-olds would want to use a skateboard like this is beyond me, so I’ve come to the sole conclusion that this — whatever the fuck this is — is fun for him. And that’s good enough for me. After all, that’s what skating’s supposed to be about, right? Right? Or was it about making that energy drink paper? Hm. Maybe don’t answer that.

Anyway, let me know if you guys think it’s cool so I can tell if I’m allowed to like this or not.

11.25.2011

Hot Chocolate, Meet the New Hotness

It seems wholly redundant to post this, considering your Twitter feed has probably been consumed by the announcement if you have any interest at all in skateboarding… but the Girl/Chocolate collective just put out the first official trailer for their upcoming milestone in skateboarding video achievements, due out sometime in 2012 if the Mayans don’t get to us first.

The amount of slow-mo/pomp & circumstance in the trailer alone doesn’t necessarily bode well for the significant percentage of skateboarders who were driven to insanity while watching Fully Flared. Little known fact: many skateboarders do not possess the enzyme required to process slow-motion video, with the side effects of this debilitating disorder being crankiness, boredom, sudden bouts of narcolepsy, and an animal-urge to post poorly-constructed hate messages in all caps on various Interweb comment sections.

mike carroll Hot Chocolate, Meet the New Hotness

Mike Carroll, photo by Eric Anthony

Will Gino have the full-part his legion of dedicated obsessors have long waited for? Uh, probably not. But that Elijah Berle kid sure is sick for somebody who never even has to flip his board. And on the flip side, Cory Kennedy will probably stack a solid 6-minute, two-song, wizard-flipping onslaught… if you’re into that kind of shit. Personally, I’d be psyched if the video was just a death-match between Mike Mo and Cory Kennedy. I can picture it now: a flat ground contest into infinity that only ends once one of them has cab-flipped their feet into bloody stumps.

raven tershy Hot Chocolate, Meet the New Hotness

Raven Tershy, photo by Ben Colen

In the end, if Brian Anderson can squeak out a few bonelesses-into-grinds and a handful of jolly-green-giant tre flips before segueing into a career in skateboarding that doesn’t involve any actual skateboarding, I’ll be happy. Wouldn’t we all?

11.25.2011

Award Season

Why brave the hordes of deranged bargain shoppers at Best Buy today, when you can sit at home and watch skateboarding videos instead? That new flatscreen TV probably won’t make your life any better, or your wallet any fuller for that matter, but getting psyched up for a little session in the very driveway where you fell in love with skateboarding over a decade ago is not only free, it may very well be priceless. But I’ll have to ask MasterCard about that and get back to you.

There was a time when I used to be able to post skate-related content in a fairly newsworthy fashion, before my real life started taking over my fake Internet life. Considering the very name of this website was inspired by a skate-related injury, and its author is currently nursing yet another skate-related injury from a couple weeks ago, it seems only right to get caught up on some of the skate shit I haven’t gotten a chance to comment on while I actually have a day off. Sure, I could be at the mall maxing out my credit card, but rather than help the faceless corporations, whose sole purpose is to take advantage of us, have a productive Black Friday, I’d prefer to have a productive Black Friday for myself, thanks.

grant taylor1 Award Season

Now, on to the well-worn territory! In case you somehow missed it, Grant Taylor was quietly named Thrasher’s Skater of The Year through the release of his web-only part for the mag this Wednesday. I’ll refrain from embedding the clip, not only because you’ve already seen it, but more-so, because Thrasher’s video player makes a practice of sucking on Jake Phelps’ old, musty, high-on-Percocets balls.

grant taylor2 Award Season

Indeed, it’s hard to argue that Grant doesn’t embody everything a SOTY should be… except, perhaps, the descriptor “seasoned.” He’s one of my favorite new guys, even if he isn’t all that new anymore, but that’s the point — he still seems new. He hasn’t put in the kind of time that somebody like Busenitz has, and frankly, if this wasn’t Dennis’ year — with both a decisive victory at Tampa and an ender-ender in the hotly-anticipated wave-maker/hot-mess-of-editing that was the Real video — shit probably isn’t going to happen. While Thrasher promises their GT part is only a taste of what’s to come in the upcoming Nike project, due out before year’s end, I’m not such a fan of giving people awards for shit that hasn’t even happened yet, particularly if there are other deserving candidates out there.

grant taylor3 Award Season

Will Grant’s part in The SB Chronicles be awesome? Almost definitely. Does Thrasher have a history of awarding skaters who put out multiple video parts in a year SOTY? Yes, and rightly so. In the skate industry’s current incarnation, where respected pros who still sell product can inch along, year by year, with barely any footage or coverage — with their rare appearances often mediocre showings at best — guys who are out there, killing it all the fucking time, just for the entertainment of fat, lazy, judgmental Internet turds like you and me, should be commended. Obviously.

This is also to say nothing of the fact that Grant Taylor’s no-nonsense, fast-as-fuck, huge-fucking-air approach to pool skating is largely responsible for the recent popularization of not only transition, but all-terrain skating. The fact is, the kid skates everything well. Simple tricks, done stylishly, at speed, with a large helping of fearlessness on the side, is, objectively, skateboarding at its finest. Simply put, watching Grant Taylor is inspiring. He does tricks you think you might be able to do on a three-foot-mini ramp, only on 18-foot-oververt, so it still seems somehow relate-able.

nyjah huston crying Award Season

If it had to come down to Grant vs. Nyjah Huston (not sure if I spelled that right… actually is it even possible to spell that right?), who would you rather see take it? Whose approach would you rather see mainstream skateboarding go in? Who didn’t cry after losing a contest on live television? Who took just a little too long to cut those fucking dreadlocks off? Maybe that’s all that needs to be said. Nonetheless, I guess I kind of just spent 630 words making a pretty solid argument for why GT does deserve SOTY… so I’m going to go ahead and shut up about that now.

Congratulations, Grant. Guess I’m just being a fat, lazy, judgmental Internet turd, after all.

11.24.2011

Just Desserts

Just in case there was anybody out there who still had an appetite… figured I’d go ahead and take care of that for ya.

kramer turkey Just Desserts

Eh, your toilet will thank me later. There’s a reason why you should fall into a self-induced coma after Thanksgiving dinner — it keeps you from piling leftovers on top of your holidaily-alloted 4,500 calories a mere two hours later. Save the turkey sandwiches for tomorrow, you gluttons for punishment (and, uh, I guess, just regular, ol’ gluttons… for, uh, food), once you remember what pants that fit feel like.

There’s a turducken joke to be made somewhere here, I’m sure of it, but I just don’t care enough about meat stuffed with other meat to bother. And no, “meat stuffed with other meat” wasn’t supposed to be a double entendre — it’s gross enough without any sexual connotations.

11.24.2011

A High-Talker

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

mr pitt snickers bar A High Talker

Seriously though, I am thankful for Snickers bars, those shits is…

fucking delicious snickers logo A High Talker

Or, as Kanye might put it, “Fuckin’ ridicalicious.”

This is what I get up to when I finally have a day off. Doing crappy parodies of candy bar logos. They always did say ambition was a fatal flaw…

Eh, what the fuck?

dedleg snickers flip A High Talker

Very limited edish Dedleg x Snickers collabo coming out this Holiday season. icon rolleyes A High Talker

Jokes, of course. But can you just imagine the free candy that would come with a deal like that? I’d get fat and all my teeth would rot and… my god, it would be awesome.

11.23.2011

Frenzy

For a short week, it’s been a craze week thanks to the crazed demands of crazed clients. But let’s not talk about my work, let’s talk about yours instead. More specifically, I figured I owed some interesting content to the poor bastards who have to work today. Which, I guess, kind of makes me a poor bastard who has to work today. But, like Snow White’s industrious friends, the Seven Dwarves, I whistle while I work. Only, by “whistle,” I mean “smoke marijuana.”

ants on a tree Frenzy

ants on a tree2 Frenzy

Some more photos from Florida. These few were taken when we went to my ant’s house icon wink Frenzy

puzzle piece Frenzy

Like any retired person, I did a puzzle while I was there. It’s Florida Law.

moon behind palm trees Frenzy

That’s all for now, gang. I’ve got a train to catch!

11.23.2011

I'm a guy with a rep for being rude

bartman Im a guy with a rep for being rude

Diplo - Crispy/Bartman (So Krispy Mix)

Little known fact: Michael Jackson wrote “Do the Bartman,” and I can’t decide if that’s kind of amazing, or kind of disturbing.

“So move your body, if you’ve got the notion, front to back in a rock-like motion.”

michael jackson Im a guy with a rep for being rude

11.21.2011

Skate and Destroy

Low-brow defacement of advertising on public transportation is one of the purest forms of art, recalling the crude cave drawings primitive man scrawled across craggy walls to mark his territory like a dog urinating on a tree. So too do renegade artists across the city defecate upon billboards and posters (sometimes even literally) to reclaim territory that has since been consumed by bloodsucking umbrella corporations. And, just like today’s anthropologists, struggling to translate milleniums-old abstract symbols and iconography, average city-dwellers furrow their brows while scanning a vandalized Arthur Christmas poster, wondering what the speech bubble containing the three words, “my dick hurtz,” really says about the anonymous artist who penned such an existential atom bomb.

dance ad skateboard drawing Skate and Destroy

Photo via The Green Diamond

Nonetheless, some of these modern pictographs are easier to interpret than others. This nimble young athlete is quite obviously executing a rather tweaked tre flip — the squiggly lines surrounding the skateboard are a dead giveaway. Yo-flip? More like Whoa-flip, am I right?

In other, less-heady New York skateboarding news, SLAP just followed up their much-reblogged late-night assault on the subway system with some daring maneuvers that are somehow even more likely to land the bunch of hooligans in jail.

Out of all the various ways one can skate a car, almost all of them are represented in this clip. And almost all of them are enough to get your spine compacted by a kindly police officer’s knee, to say nothing of the inherent risk of skating in New York City traffic, a place where little regard for human life exists. And in skateboarding, things that are more dangerous — whether it’s due to the risk of your head getting crushed by a bus tire, or the risk of getting arrested, or in this case, both — are almost always better. Perhaps “better” is not the proper term… maybe it’s just more entertaining. It is to me, anyway, because I’m a seriously desensitized child of a decaying culture, whose skewed definition of art amounts to, basically, drawings of penises on subway ads, and, like, motorcycle drive-bys down the highway in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

11.18.2011

She says it's all gonna end and it might as well be my fault

An annoyingly ubiquitous pop band once said, “It’s 3 AM, I must be lonely.” And heavens, I said, baby, it’s 3 AM as I write this here at Dedleg HQ and I’m lonely. I’ve been putting real life before my fake Internet life, and I apologize for that. I miss my Dedleg. But, it’s 3 AM, and we’re finally alone… maybe some sparks will fly…

dedleg spark logo She says its all gonna end and it might as well be my fault

Pretty much the way it goes around here. When all else fails, fall back to what you know — pictures of sunsets and the word “dedleg” written in weird ways. And seeing as I already tapped into the former yesterday, as far as today’s content goes, I never really had a choice.