dedleg.com

Here’s some important information if you’re a New York skateboarder and were thinking of checking out the little modular obstacles the Parks Department dropped in Thomas Greene Park earlier this year — do not go there after dark, and do not go there if you don’t have a child-sized chaperone with you. Earlier this evening, I had the misfortune of learning firsthand that the police do not look kindly upon skaters remaining confined to fenced-in, city-initiated shred zones. Oh well, back to skating in the middle of the street and damaging public property instead, I guess.

In case you can’t read it (I barely can, and I’m holding it in my hand), the offense in question is “disobey park sign.” Yes, that’s right, I have to go to court because I disobeyed a park sign. Thanks, guys! Really, you couldn’t have just given me a spanking and sent me to bed without dinner?

You seriously mean to tell me the NYPD doesn’t have anything better to do on a Saturday night in Brooklyn than cruise around looking to give people tickets for skating in skate parks after dark? Are you aware that there are, like, real crimes occurring… all the fucking time? If I had been a crazed bum curled up in a puddle of my own puke, surely they would have simply sent me on my way. But no, it’s the end of the month and somebody has to hit their quota. Somebody has to hit the treadmill too, but I digress…

From the mouth of the oversized officer herself, “Technically, you’re not allowed to be here at all if you’re not accompanying a child.” Ouch. Nothing ruins a session quite like a cop telling you it’s time to retire from Little League. Welp… enjoy the park, scooter kids.

In the words of my man, Saul Silver:

Anyway, it’s a good thing we’ve got such courageous police officers out there to protect us from ourselves and serve us summonses for utterly trivial offenses, otherwise we might be caught having - *gasp* - harmless fun!