May 2011

05.31.2011

Skatebroken

Break yo self fool, she’s way out of your league.

skatebrake Skatebroken

Sometimes you gotta stop… like, really stop. Stop doing this. Whatever it is you’re doing. Stop that.

I know complaining about longboarding is getting old, but that’s only because longboarding itself has gotten old. Well, not so much old as just really annoying because everybody who happens to be on one is a total fucking buster. You’re giving skateboarding such a bad name that even skateboarders want people to stop skateboarding (kind of, but calling longboarding “skateboarding” is definitely giving it too much credit at this point). Anyway, yes, I agree, it’s dumb. Now let’s just ignore them and hopefully they’ll go away.

05.31.2011

Beer Through The Eyes of Madness

This drawing is in memory of Memorial Day, a holiday that celebrates, for all intents and purposes, our god-given right to drink outdoors (I think).

drink up Beer Through The Eyes of Madness

Click here for a larger version.

Anyway, no matter how much day drinking and hot weather seem to go together, the summer party monster must constantly be aware of one’s fluid intake, and I mean that beyond how many shots you can take in an hour without falling over. Indeed, dehydration is the grim reaper for many an overeager inebriated patriot, and let’s not forget how dangerous driving while dehydrated is. So remember, kids and people who are actually legally allowed to consume alcohol, pace yourselves and drink a lot of water. Or at the very least, drink Bud Light. That shit’s so watery I think it’s basically the Gatorade of beers. Is it in you?

gary vomit Beer Through The Eyes of Madness

05.30.2011

Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

They come in all kinds of shapes, embossed with all kinds of designs, but that’s about where the similarity to the Flintstones vitamins you enjoyed as a kid ends.

ecstasy pills Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

No two ways about it, ecstasy pills look downright cool. Conversely, the way you look when you take ecstasy pills… well, let’s just say, “cool” isn’t quite the word I’d use.

“Undead,” on the other hand, that’s not so far off.

ecstasy gurning Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

icon eek Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

Good god. I think I just discovered the new face of Above The Influence’s anti-drug campaign. Seriously, that’s gotta be one of the worst pictures taken, like, ever.

There was a time in Dedleg’s infancy when a simple picture of some drugs was considered a legitimate update — now that’s a tradition I’ll proudly honor. Other traditions I can get behind: getting the day off in honor of all the people braver than I who died to protect my freedom and America’s interest in foreign oil while I was too busy reading about mind-altering chemicals on the Internet.

05.28.2011

Some people are poison

Just doing a little weekend reading.

understanding alcohol book cover Some people are poison

Due to the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Memorial Day weekend (primarily: fantastic fucking weather and an abundance of beer and bong rips), Dedleg will be taking the day off on Monday to be irresponsible, unproductive, and, more generally, what some would call “a waste of life.” We will return on Tuesday with our regularly scheduled nonsense.

05.27.2011

It's the cheesiest!

Commercials for skateboarding products, particularly trucks, where a company has a rider deliver a forced, often largely uncomfortable, testimony about the quality of the product tend to be pretty unbearable. But I’ve got to hand it to Thunder for this one featuring Dan Plunkett and Justin Brock — it seems everybody’s well aware of the absurdity of it all and loaded on some extra corn. It’s cheesy but it’s also hilarious in the way that only cheesy things can be. For example, this Cheeto:

cheeto penis Its the cheesiest!

Does that make this post NSFW? Maybe if your boss has some kind of strange fetish for snack foods and/or cheese dust. In which case, you are definitely not safe at work. But anyway…

Like I said, humorous. But you know what else is funny? The fact that I’ve been riding the same pair of Independents for years, and they don’t really need to advertise at all.

05.27.2011

Manic Memorial

This week has been a marathon of sweaty, geeky proportions, and it has very little to do with the recent surge in temperatures on the East Coast. In fact, for the most part I’ve been glued to the computer screen, furiously answering frantic emails and trying not to punch myself in the face on an hourly basis. Something about Memorial Day weekend tends to turn freelance clients into a frenzied mob of anxiety-ridden, codependent 16-year-old girls… maybe it’s the elevated pollen levels or something. Needless to say, when I woke up today and the slow realization that it was, in fact, only Friday draped over my semi-conscious body like a cold blanket smeared with dog shit, I wasn’t exactly pleased. Long weekends aren’t for free, people. You have to earn them shits.

Anyway, here’s a quick handful of random photography. And one of them probably can’t even be considered that, since it’s just a picture I took of Marv getting electrocuted in Home Alone. You know, that scene where he absolutely should have died for the 15th time.

koala bear toy wispy clouds sunset Manic Memorial

marv home alone electrocuted Manic Memorial

Ever heard of the phrase, “phoning it in”? Well… if not, you’re looking at it.

That’s all for now, folks. I’m in the middle of a race to the end of this hellish work week and something tells me I’m coming in last.

05.26.2011

Along came a spider

CGI animation has come a long ways since Toy Story. It seems like just about anybody these days, given the necessary training and a complete lack of a social life, is capable of producing gorgeous CGI-animated shorts without whatever unfathomable technological steroids Disney can afford to inject into Pixar’s muscly ass. Indeed, this is not your typical Pixar movie — no, this is nature, and nature is a mean motherfucker.

For real though, this is mind-melting it’s so good.

And have a taste of some of these stills… holy fuck. They’ve got my fangs watering… venoming? Weird.

loom still1 Along came a spider

loom still2 Along came a spider

loom still3 Along came a spider

Loom was created by Polynoid, a design and animation collective based in Germany. They don’t get outside much, I’d wager. But I guess, who the fuck needs to when you can make a realistic outside on your computer? And if there’s anything pop culture has taught us through the seminal Twilight films, it’s that sunlight is for mortals, ew.

05.26.2011

Silent Shout

Despite my illustrative touchdown dance yesterday, I’m throwing yet another drawing on the pile. No rest for the wicked, as they say. They don’t tell you this when you sign up, but being fucking awesome is a 24 hour job. And here I thought a 9-5 was rough.

screaming speech bubble Silent Shout

Uh, and speaking of that 9-5 thing… I better get back to it, because the only thing worse than a 9-5 job is no job at all. And also bestiality, but that’s another issue entirely.

05.25.2011

Sun God

Some classic words of wisdom — well, maybe wisdom’s the wrong word — some classic words from the always classic Jason Jessee.

“Who’s Jason Jessee?” you may ask. I suppose the answer would depend on who you ask… pro skateboarder, biker, potential secret Nazi, rumored meth-addict, role model… In any case, I’m the only one answering at the moment, and I’ve always referred to him as one of skateboarding’s finest eccentrics. We cherish our nut crackers in this industry, and when they become as reclusive as Jason has in recent years, even the most mundane, insipid appearances are celebrated.

jason jessee chris miller Sun God

Jason Jessee and Chris Miller - photo via The Chrome Ball Incident

Q: What ailments or injuries have held you back?
A: Being overweight. I was pregnant once and couldn’t skate for nine months.

Q: Tell me a little about school, did you finish?
A: If my grandma reads this, yeah I finished. If anyone else reads this, no, I dropped out in the 9th grade.

Q: How old were you when you started skating?
A: How old were you when you took your first dump?

Transworld Skateboarding’s Jason Jessee Pro Spotlight, 1989

J. Jessee is one funny man. And by “funny” I mean literally funny, but also a little bit crazy.

05.25.2011

It's hip to be square

Something tells me that nobody was keeping count, but yesterday I knocked out my 180th illustration / design / original visual artifact excluding photography since starting Dedleg back in late September 2009. It’s been a wild ride (not really) but you can’t say that we weren’t productive! Rather, you can’t say I wasn’t productive, in any case. I don’t know what the hell you slackers have been up to while I’ve been working my knuckles to the bone over here.

Anyway, 180 isn’t a particularly significant number, but it conveniently makes a nice, solid grid. Plus it’s one of my favorite skateboarding tricks.

dedleg illustration grid1 Its hip to be square

A Candle With A Broken Wick All Black and Blue Everything Anti Pothole Club Apathy Burp Arrow Head Artificially Intelligent Bad Bad Day Skateboard Batteries are Bullshit Best Buds Biologically For Real Bone Head Bumps in the Night Burned Out Burned Out Pink Middle Finger Catatonic Cold Blooded Cold Skeleton Creature Skull Crowned Eyeball Hexagon Crying Skull Cthulhu Money Decay Ded Diamond Ded League Ded League Ded on Arrival Dedleg Cthulhu Dedleg Badge Dedleg Skull Dedleg Crossbones Dedleg Ghost Logo Dedleg Insignia Dedleg Bone Logo Dedleg Pez Dispenser Walk to Prevent Dedleg Dedleg Warhol Logos Dedleg Tentacle Dedleg TV Dedleg Varsity Banner Dedleg Varsity Lockup Designed to Self Destruct Squid & Destroy Dedleg Logo Dedleg Logo Dedleg Logo Diagram of a Hangover Dreadleg Doom and Gloom Doomsayers Walk Doomsayers Seal Downpour Dreaming of Dedleg Beer Makes You Lean Dripping Stripes Eyeball Drop Exotic and Robotic Exploding Logo Eye See You Eyeball Exclamation Points Eyeball Prism Eyeballs Faded Feelin Good Feelin Great Follow Dedleg Fraud Fraud Fraud Friday I'm In Love Fuck It! Fuck Yeah Ice Cream Go On, Goon God Hates God God Isn't Real You Big Baby Goons Say Die Monster Halo of Headaches Eye Hand Hexagon Dedleg Hand Happiness in Intelligent People is the Rarest Thing I Know Happy Holidaze Happy Kneebreakers Union Happy Skull Have a Dedly Day Heart Attack Heart Overlay Highs and Lows Hold on Tight Homophobia in Skateboarding

dedleg illustration grid2 Its hip to be square

Horned Skull I Love Flannel I Wish I Was Ded I'm Having Some Health Issues Illmatic Infinity Worm Keep It On The DL Keep It On The DL Keep It Simple Keeping Up With The Joneses Killin The Most Killing Spree! Life Is Scary Look Sharp Make Some Noise Math Monster Melting Skull Mourning Breath Mr. Owl focusing a board Mummies: Original Rap Gods Mums The Word My Stomach is Acting a Fool Right Now Never Stop Partying New Cool Order Dedleg New Perspective New Year's Tentacle Night of the Living Dedleg No More Monroe Oil Trouble Outfielders Pain Paisely From The Gravesley Polygonal Octopus Pyramid Eyeball Hexagon Skull Eye Hexagon Skull Flower King Shit Skullk Sluggish Smiling Cloud Smiling Mask Smoke Weed Everyday Smolder Snake Crown Spaced Spikes and Spines Spiral Clock Sprain Monster Rain Hurts Rude Monster Salad Days Satan is Waitin Satan is Waitin Scanning the Stars Screw You Sick in the Head Sick Moon Six Senses Skate or Die Skateboard Monster Skateboarding Cures Depression Skateboarding Is Frustrating Dedleg Peeing Stay Strange Stay Strange Street Rats Scoundrels Struggles Sun is Fun Swirl D Take Flight Cthulhu Skull The Evil Dedleg The Fartorialist The Legion of Tremens The Repentant Shinner The Shovel Digs Beer Tired Moon Too Many Ideas Not Enough Time Unoriginal But Attractive Unpopular Vegetarian Cannibalism Warhol Weirdie We're Coming For Yule Weirdest Weirdies Welcome To The Future When It Rains It Pours Whoo Gives A Shit Why We Can't Have The Internet On Planes Winged Skull

For the record, this took goddamned forever. You go ahead and make an image map with 180 thumbnails — I’d like to be there and see it when your iron will turns into a pile of pudding snacks. I tried color coding them, but then I realized that was going to make me go insane. Sorry guys, but sometimes you gotta know when to draw the line between human and so perfect you must actually be a cybernetic doppelganger of a human, which would be scary and weird.

And don’t you dare make the mistake of assuming we’re not technologically advanced enough that each one of those thumbnails links to its respective, original post. Again, I don’t know what you’ve been doing all this time (although I bet your browser’s history would tell a different tale), but I’ve got so much to do I can’t afford to type with one hand.

That was gross. I apologize.

jamie foxx smiles Its hip to be square

Of course, you could always just go to my Flickr instead, a widely-used, completely free online service that renders all of my work on this post completely pointless! Go Internet! Yay!

05.24.2011

Rootin' tootin' varmints

Yo, you seen that new collaboration Vans Vault is doing with cowboy elves from the projects? Gotta cop me a pair of those in kangaroo hide, no doubt.

What’s the word all the kids have been saying these days? Ah yes. “Swag,” if I’m not mistaken. Well, swag on, you sassy swagsters, swag on.

pointy cowboy boots Rootin tootin varmints

Personally, I find it kind of incredible that it was possible for the dude in the middle to look even remotely cool, but hey, relativity is some potent shit.