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Not that it matters to most of you, but goddamn is it hard to find a good slice of pizza in Chicago. At least it is if you’re coming from the East Coast and your version of pizza isn’t quite a six-inch-thick disc of flaky bread stuffed with sausage, mozzarella cheese, huge chunks of tomato, and enough marinara sauce to make your lips burn for days. Although, to be honest, Chicago’s signature deep dish isn’t even the problem — while vastly different from a slice of New York pizza, deep dish still does have its admirable qualities. It’s all of the pizza in between, your “normal” slices here in the Windy City, that are essentially useless for anything except illustrating just what exactly a mediocre-headed-towards-crappy slice of pizza tastes like.

Fortunately for me, and any of the other displaced New Yorkers living amongst Chicago’s millions of heart-attack-craving locals, Santullo’s in Wicker Park serves up some thin crust pizza so perfect you’d almost believe they’re importing water straight from the East River. However, that thought is less than appetizing, so let’s just imagine they were told the secret of the ‘za in a dream from an ill-mannered, overweight cupid with a Brooklyn accent and chest hair. Come to think of it, that’s not terribly appetizing either.

Regardless, it’s food so good it’ll make you shit your pants. Just one slice is enough to leave even a seasoned pizza fanatic in a near comatose state. And I know that doesn’t really sound like a recommendation but… it actually is.

Bonus points: they also sell water that comes in 100% plant-based, commercially compostable bottles! My inner smelly guy who wears slowly disintegrating plaid pants and knows how to play a handful of Grateful Dead songs on the acoustic guitar really appreciates that. It’s enough to make a jaded dude think the world might not actually be ending after all, and that’s worth way more than an incredible slice of pizza.