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On Wednesday, the powers of secularism and intelligence momentarily defeated the dark forces of religion that seek to turn this country’s population into white-washed bigots who hate everyone except Jesus. Prop 8 was overturned by a federal judge who carefully decided that Mormons are dumb, and for a few moments, the metaphorical glass containing our miserable universe looked almost half full. Enjoy it while it lasts, rational people of the world.

Nonetheless, this hardly constitutes a defeat of bigotry at large, which stubbornly persists even in relatively “liberal” subcultures. This issue came to the forefront of my mind recently, when I got in a brief conversation with a young skateboarder, who was griping about how he was trying to skate a spot and the “gay parade” and music from an ice cream truck were really fucking his shit up. He was complaining about the ice cream truck music, for fuck’s sake. What’s the deal, are we trying to raise children to be evil on purpose now or something?

Why is homophobia a prevailing issue in skateboarding, a community that readily encourages thinking outside the box and going against the grain? Granted, any male-dominated subculture is bound to have its share of dickheads (duh), and plenty of vibing, sizing-up, and unfriendly competition along with them. Then, consider the fact that perhaps the largest demographic within skateboarding is dudes in high school, and not grown-ups who think for themselves, and you’re suddenly deep into the treacherous woods of the thoughtless mob mentality jungle. All the same, when you get down to it, what does somebody’s sexual orientation really have to do with skateboarding? Unless your sexual orientation is “bestiality”, in which case you don’t belong on a skateboard… because you belong in jail.

More than anything, I’d just like to settle the score here — screwing up a trick is not “gay”. A man having sexual intercourse with another man is gay, however. Do people hate this gay thing because they don’t actually know what it is? If homosexuals actually affect somebody’s ability to ride a skateboard, I think that says more about them than homosexuals. After all, skateboards are inherently phallic in appearance, and we lust after every opportunity to ride on them for extended periods of time. If that’s too distracting for the ignorant neanderthal inside of certain people, perhaps they should just quit already. Maybe become a Jamaican citizen or go to prison, you know, find some hobbies that suit their worldview a little better.

Anyway, nobody likes a political rant — except for Glenn Beck, I guess, but he deserves to be decapitated in public. All I’m saying is, in general, we’ve got to dial the hostilities down. When was the last time a gay dude snaked your line at the skate park? Exactly. But what about a BMXer? Yeah, so, let’s get our priorities, uh, straight, for lack of a better word.