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Chicago’s been having some weird weather for the past couple months. Winter ended abruptly in March with a series of 80 degree days, and it’s been a montage of wind, thunderstorms, and rapidly changing temperatures ever since.

Good thing that whole global warming thing turned out to be liberal propaganda, huh? And I mean, who really even cares if your kids know what a polar bear is, anyway? Fuck, our generation’s kids probably won’t even know what “outside” is.

We used to worry about acid rain. Now it seems more appropriate to expect shimmering, multi-colored globs of oil to fall from the sky. 70,000 barrels of it are flooding into the Gulf every day, adding up to the equivalent of an Exxon-Valdez tanker every four days.

There has never been an oil spill this big and this deep before. And the fact that no governmental agencies or even BP are aware of how much oil this well was able to put out sure strikes me a bit oddly. But let’s say there isn’t any kind of conspiracy here (even though there probably is) — just chalk it up to plain old greed and idiocy and it’s still fucked six hundred ways to Armageddon.

Our future is getting strangled by a blackened claw, dripping in fossil fuels, reaching out from the darkness of the 19^th century and dragging us back into the hellish depths of dirty industry. Basically, think of Lord of the Rings when the Balrog defeats Gandalf — the greedy dwarves dug too deep and now look what happened!

In the end, the Earth will be fine. It’s us humans I’m worried about.