So, it’s Memorial Day. Which means you’re probably outside, enjoying the weather on your day off and not wasting your time reading blogs. After all, it’s Un-American to not spend Memorial Day drinking all day, getting heat exhaustion, and passing out around 8 at night. And it’s also Un-American to waste time on the Internet when you’re not getting paid to do so by your meaningless corporate job.
But, if you don’t live in America, feel free to spend the day indoors, being lazy and disgusting… you know, like typical Americans.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a beach and a future with skin cancer calling my name. Dedleg will return tomorrow, a redder, hungoverer man.
What’s the skinny with Curtis Jackson lately, huh?
It’s not really my bag to post Perez Hilton league tabloid fodder, but honestly, 50 Cent is scaring the shit out of me. Dude’s looking more like… eh, about 15 Cent. Is that joke old yet? Probably, but not as old as 50 Cent’s lookin’ these days AMIRIGHT OOOOOHH SHIT
Apparently, the dramatic weight loss is for his role in the upcoming movie, Things Fall Apart. Originally, I assumed it was a straight adaptation of the classic African novel by Chinua Achebe, so 50’s appearance, though creepy beyond belief, made a lot of sense. However, Things Fall Apart is actually about a football star suffering with cancer so… 50’s appearance… still creepy, still making sense.
Nonetheless, it’s a pretty remarkable, albeit disgusting, transformation. He’s barely recognizable. I’d like to see an emaciated Curtis James Jackson III go toe to toe with The Machinist-era Christian Bale. Maybe 50 could record a song about it on his next album, Get Skinny or Die Starvin’.
Sorry, sorry. I could do this all day, but for your sake, I won’t.
You used to be able to buy this in stores. You know, pick some up at the CVS down the street while you’re grabbing a bag of Combos and a Diet Coke.
In the late 1800s, Bayer was attempting to derive codeine from morphine in order to market a less potent and less addictive painkiller. However, in a happy accident, they actually produced heroin, which instead of being weaker, is nearly twice as potent as normal morphine. Nonetheless, Bayer sold heroin as a non-addictive morphine substitute and cough suppressant from 1898 to 1910, even going so far as to call it a cure for morphine addiction. In fact, the name “Heroin” was actually a Bayer trademark until World War 1. However, once it was discovered that heroin metabolizes into morphine incredibly quickly, the fun was over, especially for Bayer.
Look at that menu though! They were slangin’ piperazenes too! And aspirin? I mean, damn, that shit will fuck you up. Basically, Bayer was the trench-coat-clad guy covered in scabs, walking up and down 3rd avenue mumbling “Ex, weed, coke, dope…” of the day. Totally keeping the party raging in the hospice, 24-7, 365, my doggs.
Rappers I couldn’t live without (an incomplete list)1:
Atmosphere (Slug)Atmosphere - Modern Man’s Hustle
So I’m an emo backpacker. So what.
Seriously though, maybe he doesn’t do it for you if you’re not a clinically depressed husk of a human being — but nobody could rap about self-hatred, alcoholism, and relationship problems with the humor and charisma that Slug delivers. With his highly developed, conversational style of story-telling, it’s easy to relate to his raps… at least for me. Non-husks need not apply.
The Gift of GabBlackalicious - A to G
His skill level is indisputable. That’s all there is to it. Whether it’s in Blackalicious, The Mighty Underdogs, or on his solo albums, he’s awesome on every track. Gab is a master of his craft, a true innovator… a magician.
Aesop RockAesop Rock - Bracket Basher
I like that photo of Aesop Rock because he looks totally crazed. And I like Aesop Rock because he’s experimental and has a huge vocabulary… and well, he’s totally crazed. He may not suit my daily needs as well as some other names on this list. He may not be nearly as accessible, but he’s unlike anybody else, and in a music industry as flooded with generic noise as ours is, that counts for a lot.
DOOM/MF Doom/King Geedorah/Madvillain/Victor Vaughn/ad nauseum
DANGERDOOM - Bizzy Box
Just since some people wear a mask don’t mean they did nothin’ automatically - DANGERDOOM
Drunk, horse from too many blunts, slurring and rasping his way through relentless punchlines and nostalgic pop culture references, Metal Fingers Doom is unmistakable. And yeah, I guess the multiple personalities and big silver mask might also have something to do with that.
Chali 2naJurassic 5 - Jurass Finish First
While there are other more prolific and adventurous emcees I could put here (Del was a serious contender), 2na Fish elevates any group song he’s on. “The verbal Herman Munster” works best in a b-boy group, with his distinct baritone voice and fast flow peppered with literary devices. His solo work is occasionally routine, and lacks that certain chemistry he had with the other Jurassic 5 dudes. But nearly all of his parts in Jurassic 5 before the whiff that was Feedback are flawless and entrancing.
Just think about Jurassic 5 — they would have kinda sucked without 2na. Set, point, match.
Sorry Del. If we were talking about hip hop albums, 3030 would top the list. Plus, there’s always room for one more… I’m just tired and this post is overlong as it is. So, instead of officially putting Diesel on the list, I think I’d rather just do as Del does, and smoke some BMs — Bob Marleys, that is.
1All current champions are subject to change.
While scouring 4Q instead of attending to real responsibilities for the first time in a while, I came across this shot of Duane Peters from 1981 that was just too sick not to share.
That photo was taken almost 30 years ago and its radness hasn’t diminished at all with the passing of time. Some trends in skateboarding come and go — and when they go, it’s usually for the better. But other things are immortal, like style, which is something much harder to accurately describe than jump ramps, pressure flips or grind switch-ups.
Maybe that’s why good style on a skateboard is so everlasting, because it can’t be easily bottled and mass-produced, metaphorically speaking. Style is more unique — everybody’s personal style is a limited, one-of-one edition. Now, whether yours is simply a uniquely disgusting take on someone else’s better style is another issue entirely. Nonetheless, I think we can all agree that Duane Peters’ is simply inimitable.
And if somehow you disagree, well, I encourage you to take it up with him. Enjoy that quick death you’ve got coming your way.
This was supposed to be a “quick one,” since I have a whole bunch of shit going on right now. And it of course it turned out not to be a “quick one” at all. Great.
Seriously though, I’m just going to give it to you mommy and daddy are getting a divorce style — I may have to scale back the posts a bit for the next few weeks. Never fear, for I will not be far from your thoughts, and I’ll still probably have something daily, but you see… I quit my job today, so like I said, I’ve got a whole bunch of shit going on right now.
Big dedleg shit going on too
The critics could never appreciate the greatness of Eight Legged Freaks, but that’s fine. They’ll be the first to die in the Arac Attack.
I’m calling from Prosperity, Arizona. My name is Chris McCormick. I know how this is gonna sound, but you have to believe me, I swear it’s the truth! Our town is being attacked by giant spiders.
Monstrous spiders and dirt bikes? Totally rad!!! Immediately before this scene, Brad (the blond x-treme dude with the weird mannequin mouth) tried to steal a young Scarlett Johansson’s virginity and in doing so, earned himself a tasing in the crotch, which caused him to fall out of his truck, piss himself and then get chased by mutated jumping spiders. I mean, seriously, this movie never lets up.
And speaking of jumping spiders, look who I found sneaking around…
Hey, I’ll take these creepy little fuckers over roaches any day.
Heard a cute expression the other day… “April showers bring May flowers.” Isn’t that just the darndest, cutest thing you’ve ever heard? The best part is, it’s true! Amazing shit, really. I swear, all I can see is sunshine and rainbows. And it didn’t even rain today — that happened in April, dummy!!
Seriously though, the weather this week has been insane. So insane that it’s been making me go insane because I work indoors all day. Damn it, why did I have to be born a nerd? I hate you, Mom and Dad! God, at the very least you could have asked before you handicapped me FOR LIFE.
All I ever wanted was a varsity jacket and a Pontiac GTO I could get my girlfriend pregnant in the back of, and instead I got the ability to think for myself and stupid skateboarding
For a time it seemed like all the best over-seas talent came from either the UK or Australia, but in the past few years France has seen the growth of a very lively awesome-skater export industry. Take this awesome part featuring Leo Valls and friends from Romain Batard’s Frame by Frame.
The film’s website promises “sweat and skateboard in gnarly french streets,” and judging from this section, that’s exactly what you’ll get. This is some potent get-psyched-to-skate material.
Tentative title of Dedleg’s debut dance album: Sprain Monster. There are going to be costumes and shit. Fashion and spectacle. Currently accepting offers for cellphone and sunglasses sponsors.
Got my leg “electro-massaged” today. Overall, not nearly as unpleasant as getting massaged by electricity may sound. Still, it’s kind of like getting a charlie horse over and over again for 10 minutes straight. Is it helping? No idea.
They also gave the back of my leg an ultrasound, so maybe my knee is actually pregnant, not sprained? A whole baby in there would sure explain why it hurts so goddamned much.
Either way, after all of this, the various contortions they’ve been submitting my legs to, and a resume packed with sprain experience, I’m pretty convinced that the easiest way to cure a sprain is by never setting foot on a skateboard. But where’s the fun in that? Besides, getting injuries are a good excuse to get stoned and play video games, and that’s awesome.
I love how there’s a very significant portion of the human population that lives to out-crazy other humans. Some people just won’t be content reaching a stopping point, because to them, there is no stopping point. Their craziness just reaches on into infinity. Indeed, they are the music makers, and they are the dreamers of dreams. They serve their purpose in society, without them, there would be no innovation, no brilliant insights, no horrific car wrecks.
This is just beyond ridiculous — it’s blazing a trail through the wild frontier of completely inexplicable absurdity. The guy’s just chillin’ out, soaking in the sights on his way to work. Maybe he works at a factory that produces really little joysticks that can fit in your pocket and allow you to steer a motorcycle. Come on, it’s not like that would be the most unbelievable thing about this video.