dedleg.com

If yesterday’s discussion of alcohol abuse and its unpleasant consequences weren’t enough to put you in the mood for a weekend of binge drinking, I’ve got you covered. But, uh, I don’t have your cover, if you know what I mean. When they’re charging at the door, I’m charging a 12 pack at the bodega around the corner.

Anyway, while I was researching the full spectrum of delirium tremens’ delights, I discovered its victims had provided it a number of charming nicknames to make it sound cute and hilarious instead of terrifying and life-threatening. Well, maybe I found them hilarious only because I don’t have any dependency issues. I mean, except for weed, but that’s like being addicted to lettuce, right guys? … Right?

Anyway, as I was saying… the nicknames for delirium tremens sure make up for how sucky it actually is:

Delirium tremens (colloquially, the DTs, “the shakes”, “the horrors”, “the heebie geebies”, “the fear”, “the staggers and jags”, “the jimjams”, “jazz hands”, or “the rats”) is an acute episode of delirium that is usually caused by withdrawal from alcohol.

They’re so non-sucky, in fact, that they generously donated to me an idea for a drunken, drug-addled band of Superzeroes — The Delirium Tremens! Or maybe The Legion of Tremens? I don’t know… what do you think would sell more action figures?

Oh fuck, let’s face it. These desperate little losers would sell themselves.