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Check it out, this is one of those times I post up low-quality screenshots of a movie that I took with my camera and try to pass it off as real content. We like to keep things pretty high-tech around here at dedleg. Try to keep up, will you.

The Mummy in 4 seconds:

This is what the pause function was invented for — not so you can get up and grab a bag of chips or go take a leak without missing anything. But so you can pause when somebody who was paid millions makes a million-dollar face for half a second (please direct your attention to Brendan Fraser’s succulent lips above). So you can catch those two frames in Who Framed Roger Rabbit when Jessica Rabbit flashes her bagina. So you can… um… I don’t know, take a couple minutes to try to think of something other than Jessica Rabbit’s baginkies?

It’s disheartening to think that The Mummy is among the classics from our childhood we’ll be obligated to pass on to the next generation. And the really sad part is, they’ll actually seem like classics compared to whatever insanity they’re selling for 30 dollars a ticket by 2020. Shrek in Never Never Go Away Land, another remake of a superhero franchise that was only 3 years old to begin with, Saw 18 3D, or whatever. God, if it comes to that… oh yes, there will be blood.