February 2010

02.27.2010

It'll look real if you squint, god knows they're squinters...

Tilt-shift photography is a pretty cute trick in itself, although overuse by eager Flickr acolytes sort of turned the technique into a bit of a cliche. But the combination of time lapse footage has pumped new life into the withering novelty. I’ve seen a few pretty impressive examples of it so far in the past year, but this short film by Sam O’Hare is definitely the longest and best put together.

The Sandpit is a day in the life of New York City, only miniaturized. The incredible thing about it is that there was no video footage shot for the project. Get ready to shit — the entire thing was pieced together using still photography… over 35,000 individual photos to be more precise.

It’s a fitting treatment for such a massive, bustling city where one can easily feel a bit like a lowly insect in a huge, complicated colony. My girlfriend astutely noted that particularly the footage of traffic looked like blood flowing through a network of veins, which is another good metaphor for how all these thousands of individuals going about their daily routines fills a city with life.

02.26.2010

Steroids are a hell of a drug

what if rick james hulk Steroids are a hell of a drug

What If was a great publication simply because it attempted to answer the type of questions that have taxed the minds of humanity’s greatest thinkers for centuries. Important shit. Like what if somebody shot gamma rays at Rick James’ braids — what then?!

Seriously though, it would have been awful. You don’t even have to ask.

02.26.2010

Maybe you don't have enough RAM to understand this...

happiness hemingway Maybe you dont have enough RAM to understand this...

This post was begging for the inclusion of this Elliott Smith track from Figure 8:

Elliott Smith - Happiness

Listening to Elliott Smith is probably the worst choice possible for somebody searching for happiness — the man is practically The Anti-Joy. Almost every song he wrote is dripping in melancholy. Look at it this way, the man committed suicide by stabbing himself in the chest. TWICE. That’s not just a case of a blues, folks. Nonetheless, this is actually one of his more upbeat tracks… not that that’s saying much.

Oh, speaking of suicide — the quote is Ernest Hemingway’s — perhaps just a little bit biographical considering most of his work focuses on death and then, yeah, there was that whole thing where he killed himself, too. Anyway, a bit of a grim start to the day. Cheer up, Charlie. After all, it’s…

freaky friday Maybe you dont have enough RAM to understand this...

Ignorance really is bliss. I wish a Playstation 3 and an HD plasma screen television were all I needed for a content existence. But no, you need games for it, too.

02.25.2010

Stop what you're doing, and listen

This just in: Posh Spice is a poser.

victoria beckham independent Stop what youre doing, and listen

“Built to grind”… psh, yeah, David Beckham maybe, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING icon mad Stop what youre doing, and listen

02.25.2010

Life is tragic without any Magic

harry potter scream Life is tragic without any Magic

It’s true.

Magic Hat is one of my favorite microbreweries, partly because their beer offerings are some of the more delicious ways to get drunk, but also because each cap comes with a short phrase, submitted by fans of the brew, printed on the underside. The caps are funny, insightful, and often incomprehensible (even when sober), but they’re downright collectible, just like Pokemon or Nazi gold!

the shovel digs beer Life is tragic without any Magic

I’ve amassed something of a repository myself, because, after all, what’s cooler than bragging about how much you drink to people who absolutely couldn’t give a shit?

magic hat caps Life is tragic without any Magic

Although, over time you’ll start getting an increasing number of doubles which quickly becomes disheartening. Eventually, the only hidden message left to be read is, “collecting beer caps is kind of a dumb hobby.”

Somewhat related: Is there anything more pointless (yes, even counting collecting beer caps) than having an age block on alcoholic products’ websites? As far as I’m aware, there is no age limit on lying.

02.24.2010

Skateboarding is imploding

the berrics lil wayne Skateboarding is imploding

Alright, enough is enough, you guys. If you’re going to do a collaboration, at least do it with Bagel Bites or Mountain Dew… you know, a respectable company that has a legitimate history with skateboarding.

I mean, Jesus Christ, all Lil’ Wayne wears are Skytops and everybody knows you can’t actually skate in those! I dunno, Steve… maybe it’s time for you to re-watch Questionable and think about what that title really means.

02.24.2010

Grin and bear it

I want to say this is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, but that’s probably not true. Which is sick in its own right, actually.

The thing is, people did this shit before the Internet existed, but the Internet has validated all the flirtatious bear girls (who are probably really men) of the world, all the confused little geldings crying over Britney Spears, all of the women who may or may not enjoy eating feces and vomit consisting of semi-digested feces, and everybody in between.

The Internet has given these people, these… uh… unique and special snowflakes, a public access channel from hell with a worldwide broadcast radius. And this might not sound like an argument for keeping the Internet free and relatively lawless, but it actually is.

02.24.2010

Camera one, camera two

window close focus Camera one, camera two

window far focus Camera one, camera two

How much time did you waste as a child doing the right eye / left eye thing? That couldn’t have been just me.

Speaking of which… Ocular Dominance would be a great name for a metal band. The best part is, it’s kind of ironic, since no matter what eye you have open, you can’t see too much when you’re headbanging your mystical metal wizard locks around. And I think in the metal world, irony is cooler than studded bracelets but less cool than stonewash denim jackets. These are merely my conclusions after some cursory fieldwork — I’m hardly an expert. I just come up with totally kickass band names. And I’m not too bad with logos, either.

ocular dominance logo Camera one, camera two

Obviously, their debut record would have to be a concept album based on The Lord Of The Rings, told through the perspective of Sauron’s all-seeing eye.

Other band names, metal or otherwise, that I coined and are now floating in the abyss of forgotten ideas:

Hotdog High Five, Cat Diary, Trigonometry Dog, Kaleidoscope of Pain, Metal Fatigue, Tenderball, Space Matter, Fleeting Pleasantries, Double Meat, Travesties of Fabric

Please call my attorney for licensing information.

02.23.2010

It's the best mind-fuck yet

This movie is so, so good. I mean, aside from the fact that this clip will make you laugh for the rest of your life.

Which is pretty generous of Total Recall, considering that simultaneously, you will wonder what really did happen to Douglas Quaid for the rest of your life. The entire story is a question not meant to be answered. For fans of Blade Runner, Robocop, and anyone who can appreciate a perfectly-crafted piece-of-shit one-liner.

02.23.2010

You spin my head right round, right round

screw you You spin my head right round, right round

Okay, so maybe it’s not the deepest concept I’ve ever come up with. Not like skeletons breathing fire are all that rich with meaning, either. If you’re looking for layers, screw you — go be a geologist or eat a cake or something.

02.22.2010

Balboa

Check out this awesome Super 8 film by Dalan McNabola featuring Jesse Hotchkiss skating through San Francisco. This is a vastly different kind of skateboarding video than the type you’re going to find coming out of the industry these days. Frankly, this type of video has been historically rare in skateboarding altogether — it straddles the line between skate flick and art project. But both of those happen to incorporate two of my favorite things.

Something about it touches the core of whatever it is inside me that lusts after the concrete rolling underneath my feet. I suppose because it’s more about the ride, the journey as it were, than anything else skateboarders tend to get distracted by these days. To me, it really captures that sense of joy that’s inherent in just pushing along while getting lost in the pure act of skating. Ol’ Dirty said it best, “oh baby I like it raw,” and raw this is.