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Still can’t decide what to do with your Christmas money this year?

Consider picking up Softporn Adventure — a new game for the Nintendo Wii this January, which takes advantage of the console’s motion sensing controller, allowing you to better take advantage of pixelated naughty bits. It’s a whole new frontier of sadness!

But oh boy, I sure hope there’s a sexting minigame.

All jokes of course, in case you got a box of retarded in your stocking this year. In actuality, the game was released in 1981 and was entirely text-based. Steamy. Slightly steamier? TIME ran that photo alongside its first-ever story on computer games. It’s sort of a pathetic statement about our species, but porno is always the first genre of entertainment to, uh, ride a new technology.

Or maybe it’s just that, typically, the first people to latch onto new, innovative technologies — I’m talking about nerds here, you guys — are the ones who need porno the most?