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Well, it’s Halloweek… as anyone who lives in a major US city knows, Halloween is actually a week long celebration of death, getting trashed, and mostly naked people. Obviously it’s a hugely popular tradition within the Neverland, Toys R’ Us kid kind of 18-30ish demographic that tends to define a particular city’s “cool” culture — it encompasses all of our generation’s favorite things, plus it lets you pretend to be something you’re not, which is also something our generation is really good at.

But enough of all that shit. One of my favorite parts of Halloween is that its imagery relies heavily on the creepy and the crawly… especially… SPIDERS

The above photo was actually taken by my multi-talented and disarmingly attractive girlfriend. But enough of all the mushy shit — this is Halloween, mother fuckers! Get some! And by some, I mean interesting facts about spiders I pulled from educational sites for children.

1. Spider webbing is considered, pound for pound, to be the strongest organic chemical substance on Earth.
A scientist spent years collecting spider web extract and actually made a spider suit. It repelled a steel baseball bat, bullets shot at close range, and even withstood getting hit by a pickup truck.

Between you and me though, I totally don’t know if I believe that.

2. Baby spiders travel by a process called ballooning, in which they emit a small thread and float on the wind.
When scientists travel to newly-formed volcanic islands, they find that spiders, which can travel through the air by ballooning, are almost always the first permanent inhabitants.

This one I buy, because spiders are awesome.

3. When spiders were fed flies that had been injected with caffeine, they spun very “nervous” webs. When spiders ate flies injected with LSD, they spun webs with wild, abstract patterns. Spiders that were given sedatives fell asleep before completing their webs.

Amazing.

4. Jumping spiders can jump up to forty times their own body length.

This is is true — I’ve seen it! Look, this here guy is a certain breed of jumping spider, the zebra spider. I know him well.

He lives in my apartment. For a while there were lots of them in my apartment. Jumping all over the place. I set tons of his friends free, into the wild streets of Chicago, but eventually gave up because they’re pretty friendly all things considered… and obviously don’t mind mugging for the camera.