Posts Tagged "movies"
You know, some years ago, the primary motivation for putting this whole operation together was so I’d have some place where I could showcase all of my work — the professional, the personal, and the potentially illegal. In recent months I have failed utterly in this vision, mostly due to a near-total lack of caring. But, as a wise person once said (I think), the opposite of love isn’t hatred, it’s apathy. And I think we can all agree I haven’t been giving Dedleg the love it deserves. Not that it deserved all that much in the first place, that little shit.
Anyway, any child of the Facebook-era will tell you there’s no point in doing anything if you can’t put photos of it up on the Internet to make your friends totes jelly, so really, I don’t know why I spent hours slaving on these movie posters for my buds over at the Silver Screen Society except for the fact that I, 1) am totally down for what those dudes are doing over there, and perhaps more importantly, 2) wanted to prove to myself that I hadn’t completely forgotten how to draw.
So, in case you didn’t see my insignificant tweets announcing these pieces at the time, there’s a good chance you missed them, and in these dark days of sparse artistic output on my end, that’s damn near unforgivable. Last month I churned out this illustration inspired by one the most heralded horror movies / art house softcore pornos of all time, Suspiria.
If you don’t know anything about it, the trailer is a good place to start, and it’s pretty fucking boss. Then again, I usually say that about anything that has a skull in it.
It’s also really helpful in case you ever forget the name of the movie.
I wanted to showcase this one over here on my site also just to provide a bigger detail shot, since down-sizing it doesn’t do justice to the amount of time I wasted half-toning the fucking shit out of this thing.
In case dead chicks in leotards somehow aren’t your thing (weirdo), back in February, I did a piece for Silver Screen’s second birthday which they celebrated in conjunction with the How Did This Get Made podcast. I chose to honor a film close to the great bargain bin that lives inside the Walmart of my heart, 1998’s Godzilla.
There will surely be more where these came from, too, seeing as those ever-talented nerds over at the Silver Screen Society just can’t seem to get enough. Maybe you feel the same way, in which case this formerly prolific illustrator offers you his sincerest apologies while also, you know, kind of not caring about it.
A few months ago, my friend Brandon from back in the day (and I mean way back in the day when I was making crappy websites about dumb anime amongst other embarrassing mistakes of childhood) asked me to contribute to his ongoing revisionist movie poster project, the Silver Screen Society. Each month, they choose a film and select a handful of graphic designers, illustrators and otherwise artsy fartsy types to come up with a piece inspired by the movie. That’s more or less the only rule of this particular Fight Club. In any case, this month they selected a feature quite close to my rotting, festering heart, George Romero and Stephen King’s Creepshow.
Needless to say, my piece won’t make any sense to you whatsoever if you haven’t seen the movie.
And if you haven’t seen it, I’d say that’s a pretty good homework assignment for you to dig into this weekend. The best part is, this is the kind of homework you can do while drinking crisp microbrews with your pals, in fact, that’s the recommended dosage.
The film resides in the great intersection of camp, comic book, and comedy. It’s hyper-stylized, classically creepy in a way that any fan of horror and 80s slop will absolutely love, and full of talented cameos, from Leslie Nielsen and Ted Danson to Stephen King himself. What did I tell you? I hold this one pretty close to the gaping, slime-dripping bone cage that is my chest cavity.
The trailer alone is probably the coolest thing I’ll watch today, come to think of it.
Be sure to check out all the other great pieces over at Silver Screen’s website.
Crabs! I’m up to my neck in work right now. And yes, this is kind of a hint about something I’m working on… don’t worry, you’ll be able to wait it out… if you hold your breath.
The return of the breakfast of kings. The two towers of pancakes? Fellowship of the french toast? I don’t know guys, I could go all night.
What’s that I see? Some Helm’s Deep Hashbrowns and a couple of Smaug Eggs Over Easy? Totally wizard!
But Hobbit Slam? That doesn’t sound like a delicious and hearty breakfast, made for the type of jolly creature that can eat not only second breakfasts, but even elevenses. By Gandalf’s beard, it sounds kind of like a wrestling move a couple of tag-teaming little people would pull on you, before smacking your cheek with a “Shire sausage” and giving you a close up view of their very own “hobbit hole.”
Who else is getting kind of psyched for this?
I was a little skeptical at first, but then…
Careful, for what you see… cannot be unseen.
Man, I can’t wait for this fucking movie! Or for Slo-Mo to actually be invented - shit looks off the charts!
The ad campaign for the latest turd in the post-apocalyptic turd franchise, Resident Evil, features quite possibly the worst movie poster in the history of bad movie posters (and it is a dense history at that). I mean this thing might even be worse than the Photoshop hackjob for Battle Los Angeles staining every subway station wall last year. But I guess it’s appropriate, given Resident Evil: Retribution will probably be the worst movie of all the crappy Resident Evil movies, hell, it might just be the worst movie of all crappy movies, period.
When they decided to name the film “Resident Evil: Retribution,” was that because this is supposed to be some kind of retribution against moviegoers for, like, not wanting another one of these fucking movies?
Basically, the only two things this flick possibly has going for it are creepy, grotesque T-virus monsters and Milla Jovovich in sparse clothing, and instead of using either of those assets you opt for a generic world-wide catastrophe collage. It seems practically torn from the Hollywood stock photography vaults on file for bad end-of-summer disaster blockbusters that need a billboard in a pinch. There’s hardly any reason for your film to exist in the first place, and you’re going to promote this already completely pointless movie with some completely uncompelling, slapped-together Photoshop slop that features none of your principal cast or even the trademark Resident Evil creatures? Yeah, good luck with that. Then again, it’ll probably still make millions, because, like I said…
…there’s always Milla Jovovich in sparse clothing.
Did I miss something with The Dark Knight Rises, like the part where it was good?
Well… it was better than Batman Forever, I guess. Not sure how to compare it to Batman & Robin though, since it kind of is “Christopher Nolan does Batman & Robin” just without the, uh, you know… nipples.
If it hasn’t become obvious… you should probably stop reading this if you haven’t seen the movie yet. And maybe I should see it again, I don’t know. But these are my initial impressions, some more sarcastic than others, and take them with a grain of salt, because a few semesters of movie-related-classes in college don’t mean much, except I could do my homework stoned.
The Dark Knight Rises features 95% of Inception’s cast, and like Inception, I wish this was all just a bad dream, too. Mal, it wasn’t enough that you abandoned your children and nearly turned your husband’s brains to a sizzling slime while he languished in the depths of dream limbo for all time? Now you have to go and botch up Batman’s grand finale? That’s going too far, even for a vengeful, sociopathic projection of a memory.
And while it might not have all been a dream, we do see a pretty obvious example of deus ex machina in THAT FUCKING ENDING. Autopilot may have saved our hero, but it didn’t save the writing. Uh, isn’t this supposed to be The fucking Dark Knight? So why is Nolan treating the audience like a fucking kindergarten class? Ah yes, everybody lives happily ever after… except for the people who wanted something more than, well, more more more.
We got big flying bat shit, all kinds of huge crazy shit blowing up, and Anne Hathaway in leather pants, when the film really needed better relationships between the characters across the board. Batman spends more time making out with chicks he just met than kicking ass or doing the odd detectivey thingy or whatever it is he does down in the Batcave all day. I would have preferred the film focus more on the tension and conflict between Batty and Bane, instead of, “Oh, hello, I’ve heard of you. LET’S GET IT ON!” Batty goes down, resume fairly boring sideplots.
Nolan loves introducing multiple story arcs that he often, impressively, weaves together into a cohesive plot, but this time the threads were too numerous, too winding, and the tangle clearly became hard to manage. The pacing killed me — dragging through dispensible subplots and then rushing through every potentially great scene because there was simply too much going on in the film to spend time on the things that should have made it great.
In particular, there were too many characters introduced that really weren’t necessary, but they sure killed a lot of precious time. Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter showing up was a nice twist, in theory anyway, but it’s too bad she was woefully underdeveloped and served more to diminish Bane’s character than anything else. Shoulda dropped Catwoman in favor of a more developed Talia al Ghul.
On that note, Catwoman might as well be a curse as far as moviemaking goes. And this particular incarnation, while somehow exceeding my expectations considering I was dreading Anne Hathaway in the role from the start, still wins the Jar Jar Binks Award for constantly filling the air with increasingly scoff-worthy one-liners. Sorry, but, I think Arnold had enough one-liners in Batman & Robin for all Batman-inspired-cinema-history, thanks. I’m saying, it’s time we put a freeze on one-liners in Batman movies, once and for all.
I wasn’t a huge fan of how Manhattan Gotham was throughout the film, either. The towering skeleton of 1 WTC is pretty goddamn hard to miss. But leaving the Broad Street JMZ subway sign completely unaltered is just lazy. Might as well have had a dude on the corner selling “I Heart New York” shirts.
But more than anything, did anybody else feel like, for a Batman movie, this one didn’t really have enough, uh, Batman?
Given that my years of marijuana usage have undoubtedly padded the pockets of a few Mexican drug cartels along the way, it seemed only right that I offer a few of my stray thoughts on Oliver Stone’s Savages, aka Bill & Ted’s Not So Excellent Adventure. On second thought, The Hills Spring Break: Nightmare In Mexico might be a more appropriate alternate title. Although, watching The Hills cast members actually get kidnapped by a Mexican drug cartel probably would have been way more awesome than this movie.
Let’s say you’re being threatened by a powerful and ruthless drug cartel, and are preparing to leave the country to go into hiding. Does going to the mall “one last time” really seem necessary, or even safe for that matter? Those sale shoes are going to look like a cruel joke once you’ve had your feet lopped off by a chainsaw.
This has surely been said already, but what the fuck was Oliver Stone smoking when he concocted this turd? The moral of this twisted little love story: don’t smoke and write screenplays, kids. And, uh, don’t take shotgun hits from Benicio Del Toro, either.
In what surely must be a record in speedy skate park construction, the renovated LES park is set to open this Thursday, which just so happens to be Go Skateboarding Day. Hell of a coincidence, huh? Until you stop to think about how there are no coincidences. I do not see coincidence, I see providence. I see purpose. I believe it is our fate to be here. It is our destiny.
Of course, you won’t want to actually go skating there on Go Skateboarding Day, as the crowds will resemble a swarm from a zombie outbreak inside the Staples Center during the summer 2025 X Games. But on some random summer day, before all the grime and infectious disease settles back into the dark corners of the park, it should be a downright lovely place to spend a few hours sweating it out. Plus, if you’re a crusty, old transition guy, you might be in luck considering most skateboarders under 20-years-old don’t know how to skate a quarter pipe.
All that new concrete and transition is looking mighty fine. Now all we can do is hope they took care of that god-awful smell while they were at it.
You think you know the story… and you will have figured the story out before the movie is halfway over.
I’m a few weeks late here to do any kind of legitimate review of this thing, considering the movie came out almost a month ago. Plus, the truth is, if you’ve waited this long to see it, you can probably just wait to pick it up on Blu-ray/DVD + digital copy. And that’s not to say I won’t. In fact, I feel as if it will be an excellent Saturday night companion after loosening up with a crisp IPA and a few bong hits.
The thing is, it’s ultimately too funny to be a very convincing horror movie. And it is funny. But as far as horror comedies/parodies go, I’d say Shaun of the Dead has much more emotional depth, and Attack the Block is scarier. Cloverfield is scarier. This is almost Scooby Doo all amped up with sex and drugs and guts for the demented 20-somethings who grew up watching Scooby Doo. Which is kind of why I like it. But at the end of the day, it’s just not quite as original as it thinks it is, and the “twist” is basically nonexistent since they were giving it away the entire time. It’s a cool concept, but frankly, the movie wasn’t scary or twisted enough, or rather, it didn’t live up to its own scary, twisted potential.
Zombie redneck evangelicals inhabit the most suspenseful portion of the film, and I think we can all agree that we have fucking been there. I mean… not literally, but you know… this is extremely well-worn territory. The monster horror show you get later may be clever and creative, but it isn’t really a horror show at all. It’s damn entertaining and great fanservice and all… but I would have liked to see some of those little nasties on the loose before the movie turned into a video game where everything is just killing everything and all the suspense got purged with the monsters.
Hm… and I guess that kind of ended up being a legitimate review. Go figure.
Dreams within dreams are always weird, and hard to understand… kind of like Inception, a movie about dreams within dreams. But as far as dreams within dreams, and movies about dreams within dreams go, there’s weird, and then there’s… well, this.
Truly a great movie moment. One of the great movie moments, even.