Posts Tagged "insanity"


Skate the rock, don't smoke it

Don’t be turned off by the only fairly jaw-dropping skate park goofery at the beginning of this Daewon Song clip for Spitfire — after a minute of “dorking around” at a skate park by doing tricks that are pretty much unfathomable to most of the world, this opens up into a more-than-legit video part, only because it’s Daewon Song, it’s considered “throwaway”. Skateboarding is hilarious in 2012, man, I tell ya.

Tune in to 1:15 for a little section where Daewon reveals that normal skateboarding terrain has become far too routine for his ludicrous skill level… hell, even Mouse-Trap-like configurations of picnic tables or swinging tires atop a miniramp covered in ramshackle plywood extensions can’t hold his interest anymore. No, now Daewon skates on rocks. This can’t even be called “off roading”… fucking “rock climbing” would be a better descriptor. New York City may be filled with spots that aren’t really spots… but seriously, a fucking rock on the side of the road is not a skate spot to pretty much anybody but Daewon Song.

Also, really can’t believe it’s even possible to kickflip out of a pole jam. But again, if anybody could do it… it’d be Daewon.

Oh, and that frontside flip/kickflip late 180 or whatever the fuck it was up the shitty gap at 2:45 is obviously one of the most mind blowing things I’ve seen a person make a skateboard do in a little while… and by a “little while,” I mean a matter of seconds before that particular trick, because most of the other tricks are mind blowing too.


I ain't payin for this shit, dog

Movie directors would do well to take note. This is what 2 minutes and 34 seconds of pure insanity looks like.

Or did I mean pure comedy? You guys saw the dude that grabs the hair dryer like it’s a gun, right? Although I must admit, I feel kind of bad for the dog, even if it’s a completely mental killing machine. He clearly came in the place with the sole intention of biting that first guy’s nuts off — everybody else was just collateral.

Either that, or he’s racist.

P.S. The audio is fake if you didn’t know. Think of it as a good general guide — lots of profanities, lots of screaming and shouting… I mean, it’s a pit bull attack in a fucking barbershop, how much closer to the definition of “total clusterfuck” can you even get?


The definition of "some fucked up shit"

I feel like I say this a lot, but this video is simultaneously the most hilarious and disturbing thing I’ve ever seen. The fact that I say that a lot probably isn’t saying much good about how I choose to spend my days, but never let it be said that I wasn’t a pioneer in torturing oneself with YouTube insanity that should have been jettisoned to the bottom of the sea like Megatron… or at the very least lost to the Internet Wayback Machine.

It’s not even a minute and a half long, and yet watching the clip feels like a small eternity spent in a hideously distorted alternate universe. Each second is more demented and strange than the last, and how you’ll laugh until you start noticing the panic creeping into your most holiest of places. I’d like to believe I don’t have to warn you, but just in case there are any daredevils in the audience today, do not, under any circumstances, combine this video with any other mind-altering chemicals. It may seem like a good idea, but I assure you, it is not. Oh, how it is not.

Nonetheless, the single weirdest thing about the whole sordid affair has to be the tail on that motherfucker. Granted, tail-docking is a grim tradition at best and in no way do I endorse animal cruelty of any kind, but after watching that shit sway in the breeze for a minute and nineteen seconds straight, I’m beginning to understand how the practice might have gotten started.


The Internet has done terrible things to human beings

This is single-handedly the most painful thing I have ever seen. If you can force yourself to sit through the entire, gut-wrenching ordeal, congratulations, you’re a confirmed masochist.

In the future, when we’ve completely disregarded print dictionaries, the video entry for “awkward” will almost certainly be this:

He’s like a black hole of everything that is terrible in the world. Moreover, he just doesn’t make any sense… like, at all. I’m seriously beginning to suspect that he has some kind of brain trauma or possible mental illness. I mean besides being a total narcissist. Just watch the way he speaks, it’s like his neurons aren’t firing correctly. “Daaayyyuuummm. Swag. Haha.” It’s staggeringly uncomfortable. Each second is more unbearable than the last.

When he falls into that “will you wear my wedding ring” trance, I feel like he’s channeling Howard Hughes with his “the way of the future” tic in The Aviator. Only when J. Casanova starts pissing in jars they won’t call him a crazy eccentric, they’ll just call him a crazy.

“Made a couple million off what I can make a skateboard do. Do. Do.” Yup, I’d say that’s about right. “Doo doo” is how I would refer to your accomplishments as well, Jereme.


Late flip madness is coming...

What will they think of next? Are late flips, late shuvs, and front foot flips the new grinding up rails, which were the new ledge dances of tomorrow? Yes. Probably. Almost definitely maybe.

frontside flip late 360 shuv Late flip madness is coming...

God damn it, if tricks are for kids, I’m sure glad I’m a sore, bitter old guy. I can’t keep up with these little bastards.



Hey, who needs to know how to ollie anyway?

I’m going to go ahead and call this kid out for using cheat codes. Or at least, I hope he was using cheat codes because otherwise the falls leading up to this make must have been both hilarious and terrible.

It seems like up really is the new down in the wild world of skateboarding trends. Grinding up rails or doing flip tricks up small stair sets are no longer enough to impress. Now we must ride up the stairs as well. Although, like slappy grinds, this particular maneuver probably requires far more attitude and speed than actual skill. But still, I’m not about to throw myself towards the closest stair set going mach 10 to find out.


Does this look like a man with a plan?

To be honest with you, I’m half-convinced the U.S. government paid Charlie Sheen to go full-retard just to distract the idiotic American public from the maelstrom of shit that is currently slipping past our noses. But then the other half of me is pretty sure Charlie Sheen doesn’t need any motivation at all to be completely fucking insane. Of course, this is before a tsunami came in and swept away Charlie’s audition tape for the next season of The Surreal Life. Nonetheless, only one thing is certain — humans are decidedly not winning.

charlie sheen plan Does this look like a man with a plan?

Anyway, I didn’t want to give the raving delusions of an attention-starved narcissist more credit than they’ve already undeservedly gleaned, but god damn it if I don’t love animated gifs like Chaz here loves some crack cocaine. Fuck man, if that’s what tiger blood does to you, I don’t think I want any.

Also, sorry if you’re hungover this morning and that image just made you throw up. If I could post some hot coffee and four Advil instead, I would.


Take it to the limit

I love how there’s a very significant portion of the human population that lives to out-crazy other humans. Some people just won’t be content reaching a stopping point, because to them, there is no stopping point. Their craziness just reaches on into infinity. Indeed, they are the music makers, and they are the dreamers of dreams. They serve their purpose in society, without them, there would be no innovation, no brilliant insights, no horrific car wrecks.

This is just beyond ridiculous — it’s blazing a trail through the wild frontier of completely inexplicable absurdity. The guy’s just chillin’ out, soaking in the sights on his way to work. Maybe he works at a factory that produces really little joysticks that can fit in your pocket and allow you to steer a motorcycle. Come on, it’s not like that would be the most unbelievable thing about this video.