Posts Tagged "Halloween"

10.31.2012

Tubby Soft-Squeeze

stay puft jackolantern1 Tubby Soft Squeeze

Tonight is the most hallowed of all eves, the eve of hallowed weens. With that in mind, happy hallowedest of wieners from your friends, Dedleg and Gozer The Destructor. And don’t settle for any bad candy tonight. Unless by “bad candy,” you actually mean drugs. But those orange styrofoam peanuts? Yeah, you can leave those at the door.

10.31.2011

How many blunts can I smoke — 1, 2, 3

snoop dogg the count How many blunts can I smoke — 1, 2, 3

Happy Halloween.

On a slightly more horrifying note — the world population reached 7 billion today. If your own species makes you as nervous as it makes me, this year, all Hallow’s Eve is quite scary indeed.

10.31.2011

The Nightmare Before Halloween

Today’s photo gallery may seem like an odd choice given the rather “hallowed” nature of the date, but if you were on the East Coast this weekend, you know the real strangeness had to do with nature itself. Indeed, bewildered residents of New York and New England spent most of Saturday with their heads out the window, repeating “can you believe this?” to everyone they know, as a record-breaking snow squall stretched on through the afternoon and into the evening. Waking up to a winter wonderland the day of your own Halloween party is just weird, but I guess at least now we know what it would be like to celebrate Halloween in Sweden. Do they have Halloween in Sweden, or do they just skip right to Christmas once the snow starts falling immediately after the July 4th fireworks. Or do they not have those, either? Jeez.

snow falling The Nightmare Before Halloween

snowy parked cars The Nightmare Before Halloween

tire tracks snowy street The Nightmare Before Halloween

Figured I should get all my self-indulgent, abstract snow photography out of the way while it’s still a novelty. Not to mention… if it’s snowing like this before October’s even over, by the time February rolls around I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull myself out of bed anymore. Snow before fucking Thanksgiving is bad enough, but snow on October 29th is scary indeed. Yes, for Halloween this year, it seems the weather decided to go as itself three months from now. So… thanks for the preview of coming attractions, you cruel bitch.

10.30.2010

Graveyard Smashed

werewolf comic Graveyard Smashed

Happy All Hallows’ Eve Eve, gals and ghouls. Halloween is really this website’s Superbowl — after a full year of being creepy every day, it’s nice to have a night out on the town where I can dress up like a sexy bumble bee instead.

Fortunately this year, we’re in for another ghastly three-day fright and fun spectacular — whenever this holiday from hell falls on a weekend its festivities always get stretched to grotesque limits, and by the time the wax vampire fangs have settled on Sunday night everybody feels like an actual zombie. Accordingly, for a few nights, our mission seems to indicate this physical state as we party into a stumbling, mumbling haze, trying our best to remove our own head, or destroy our own brain.

10.21.2010

What happens in the tombs, stays in the tombs

Burning the 2:05 am oil on this one… another unintentionally Halloween themed drawing. This time of year just looks better on me, I guess. What I mean is, it’s a lot easier to get away with the codpiece in late October than it is, say, on July 4th at the beach.

mums the word What happens in the tombs, stays in the tombs

That’s all for now — I’m fried.

ed norton blinking What happens in the tombs, stays in the tombs

I say this as a warning to all of you: I think looking at that for long enough could give me a lazy eye. Since I feel like I’m already getting a lazy eye after looking at it for about three seconds. Or maybe it’s just that I’m now burning the 2:15 am oil and the fumes are getting to me.

10.19.2010

Calling all skeletons

It’s almost Halloween… not that I need an excuse to draw skulls, but it’s nice to be timely anyway.

feelin good feelin great Calling all skeletons

Better start getting your costumes together if you want to participate in the best kid’s holiday for adults, the age old tradition of dressing up like an idiot and drinking until you splatter horror-film effects all over your friend’s bathroom. Comfort and function are key, so don’t do the whole toilet-paper mummy thing if you plan on enjoying junk food and beer throughout the course of the evening. And go easy on face paint if you can, unless feeling like your face is a dried out corn husk helps you get in the spirit of the holiday. But some planning is necessary, because everybody knows the kid in the kitty ears or pom-pom antennas really just looks like a slacker.

08.13.2010

Hooray for Uncle Donald

Disney’s 1987 TV Special DTV Monster Hits is like a dose of instant good mood. Creedence Clearwater Revival? The Monster Mash? Halloween in general? TOONS?! God I’m a sucker for some toons, but that’s probably just because one never dropped a piano on my brother.

I don’t know about you guys, but I think I’d cave in and dole out some candy if I had gotten my sternum broken by a broom stick. I guess I’d probably be a pretty shitty cartoon.

The Monster Mash section is particularly transcendent.

skeletons mickey Hooray for Uncle Donald

For my money, you really can’t do better than a skeleton slapping itself on its assbones. In fact, this clip is where I learned the majority of the dance moves I employ to this day. Less people seem to want to dance with me than when I was 8, but whatever, I’m not going to dial down my heat just because some people are intimidated.

07.06.2010

Wide Eyed

eyeballs3 Wide Eyed

This drawing was inspired in part by this particular piece of pointless childhood knick-knack nostalgia:

jar of eyeballs Wide Eyed

Anybody else remember lusting after your very own jar full of rubber eyeballs at the pop-up Halloween shops as a kid? It didn’t matter that it was utterly pointless and would simply collect dust on a shelf in your room, until it finally got relegated to some more obscure shelf where it would continue to collect dust, before finally making it into a box full of other forgotten, useless odds and ends, stuffed in your closet and buried under a mountain of debatably-clean clothes. There was something oddly compelling about owning something that existed for the sole purpose of being disgusting, like stink bombs and Gak. Such things are a potent lure to many eight-year-old children. Maybe less so today, when kids can get their violence fix by simply flicking on the TV and emptying an AK-47 into a terrorist’s head. We’ve come so far as a culture.

squishy eyeball stressball Wide Eyed

The better (although still completely unnecessary) of the Halloween eyeball horrors was the translucent stress ball full of squishy eyes and fake blood, which you could squeeze violently in your siblings’ faces for two, maybe three minutes before you got bored or one of them started screaming for mom.

Oh to be young again, when some fake blood and fart noises were all you needed to be happy.

10.29.2009

Sorry, I'm not home right now, I'm walking into spiderwebs

Well, it’s Halloweek… as anyone who lives in a major US city knows, Halloween is actually a week long celebration of death, getting trashed, and mostly naked people. Obviously it’s a hugely popular tradition within the Neverland, Toys R’ Us kid kind of 18-30ish demographic that tends to define a particular city’s “cool” culture — it encompasses all of our generation’s favorite things, plus it lets you pretend to be something you’re not, which is also something our generation is really good at.

But enough of all that shit. One of my favorite parts of Halloween is that its imagery relies heavily on the creepy and the crawly… especially… SPIDERS icon eek Sorry, Im not home right now, Im walking into spiderwebs

spider1 Sorry, Im not home right now, Im walking into spiderwebs

The above photo was actually taken by my multi-talented and disarmingly attractive girlfriend. But enough of all the mushy shit — this is Halloween, mother fuckers! Get some! And by some, I mean interesting facts about spiders I pulled from educational sites for children.

1. Spider webbing is considered, pound for pound, to be the strongest organic chemical substance on Earth.
A scientist spent years collecting spider web extract and actually made a spider suit. It repelled a steel baseball bat, bullets shot at close range, and even withstood getting hit by a pickup truck.

Between you and me though, I totally don’t know if I believe that.

2. Baby spiders travel by a process called ballooning, in which they emit a small thread and float on the wind.
When scientists travel to newly-formed volcanic islands, they find that spiders, which can travel through the air by ballooning, are almost always the first permanent inhabitants.

This one I buy, because spiders are awesome.

3. When spiders were fed flies that had been injected with caffeine, they spun very “nervous” webs. When spiders ate flies injected with LSD, they spun webs with wild, abstract patterns. Spiders that were given sedatives fell asleep before completing their webs.

Amazing.

4. Jumping spiders can jump up to forty times their own body length.

This is is true — I’ve seen it! Look, this here guy is a certain breed of jumping spider, the zebra spider. I know him well.

spider2 Sorry, Im not home right now, Im walking into spiderwebs

He lives in my apartment. For a while there were lots of them in my apartment. Jumping all over the place. I set tons of his friends free, into the wild streets of Chicago, but eventually gave up because they’re pretty friendly all things considered… and obviously don’t mind mugging for the camera.