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Oops, wrong DOOM. One sec…

There we go.

DOOM - Cellz

Seemed like an appropriate jam to rock on the eve of this particular New Year’s Eve — after all, it is the eve of the eve of the supposed pre-Columbian Mesoamerican end times.

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked

— Charles Bukowski

“Dinosauria, We” is a scary ass portent… er, poem.

I’ve been taking a bit of a tour through old favorite albums lately, and I was just pretty much knocked out all over again by this one. Metal Fingers living up to his namesake (I mean, not the “metal fingers” part, the “doom” part, you know?)

This isn’t quite what I would call a “big budget” video production, and to be completely honest, for the first minute or so I was pretty sure I hated it. Strangely enough, for a concept that wears thin after about 10 seconds, it remarkably gets better the longer it goes on. Maybe that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but neither does DOOM, and I think that might be a big reason why this fan-made video for “Microwave Mayonnaise” works so well.

Of course, not everyone agrees…

Well, why don’t you tell us how you really feel, FreestyleFelcher, er, Fletcher, I mean.

Rappers I couldn’t live without (an incomplete list)¹:

Atmosphere (Slug)

Slug - photo via blogs.creativeloafing.com

So I’m an emo backpacker. So what.

Seriously though, maybe he doesn’t do it for you if you’re not a clinically depressed husk of a human being — but nobody could rap about self-hatred, alcoholism, and relationship problems with the humor and charisma that Slug delivers. With his highly developed, conversational style of story-telling, it’s easy to relate to his raps… at least for me. Non-husks need not apply.

The Gift of Gab

The Gift of Gab - photo via amoeba.com

His skill level is indisputable. That’s all there is to it. Whether it’s in Blackalicious, The Mighty Underdogs, or on his solo albums, he’s awesome on every track. Gab is a master of his craft, a true innovator… a magician.

Aesop Rock

Aesop Rock - photo via delarge.co.uk

I like that photo of Aesop Rock because he looks totally crazed. And I like Aesop Rock because he’s experimental and has a huge vocabulary… and well, he’s totally crazed. He may not suit my daily needs as well as some other names on this list. He may not be nearly as accessible, but he’s unlike anybody else, and in a music industry as flooded with generic noise as ours is, that counts for a lot.

DOOM/MF Doom/King Geedorah/Madvillain/Victor Vaughn/ad nauseum

DOOM - photo via blog.hopeglory.com

Just since some people wear a mask don’t mean they did nothin’ automatically - DANGERDOOM

Drunk, horse from too many blunts, slurring and rasping his way through relentless punchlines and nostalgic pop culture references, Metal Fingers Doom is unmistakable. And yeah, I guess the multiple personalities and big silver mask might also have something to do with that.

Chali 2na

Chali 2na - photo via theagencygroup.com

While there are other more prolific and adventurous emcees I could put here (Del was a serious contender), 2na Fish elevates any group song he’s on. “The verbal Herman Munster” works best in a b-boy group, with his distinct baritone voice and fast flow peppered with literary devices. His solo work is occasionally routine, and lacks that certain chemistry he had with the other Jurassic 5 dudes. But nearly all of his parts in Jurassic 5 before the whiff that was Feedback are flawless and entrancing.

Just think about Jurassic 5 — they would have kinda sucked without 2na. Set, point, match.

Sorry Del. If we were talking about hip hop albums, 3030 would top the list. Plus, there’s always room for one more… I’m just tired and this post is overlong as it is. So, instead of officially putting Diesel on the list, I think I’d rather just do as Del does, and smoke some BMs — Bob Marleys, that is.

¹All current champions are subject to change.