Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this

I think we can all agree that some incredibly lame shit is circulating out there in the world today thanks to the meddling efforts of oblivious, well-do-to goons who don’t know the first thing about skateboarding. There’s a reason the fundamental design of a skateboard has not been largely changed or improved in the 50-some years that skateboards have actually existed — it is essentially perfect already. No amount of added wheels, or snaking, segmented sections, or hand-breaking mechanisms will ever make a significant positive impact on your skateboarding experience. In fact, most attempts to update the tried-and-true formula result in little more than laugh-worthy new ways to hurt yourself and look stupid while doing it.

Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there’s also no shortage of people trying to find new, fashionable applications for skateboards. Rather than reinvent the skateboard, these intrepid innovators have tried to reinvent other things using skateboards — be it furniture, platform heels, and now even work-out routines, if there’s a way to incorporate a skateboard into something that already exists, chances are good somebody has tried it, because people are greedy and oblivious. Case in point:

get those skateboard abs Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this

Why you should try it
Because you’re alone, desperate, and have never done a single cool thing in your entire life.

Now, maybe I’m just biased here, but I kind of tend to think, you know, actually skateboarding would be a much better way to improve your image using a skateboard, as opposed to using a board for some emasculating work-out routine in order to attain “skateboard abs.” Doing doggy-style reps, bent over on your brand new cruiser as if you’re a brand new cruiser just doesn’t seem to exude quite the same sexiness. Maybe I’m wrong.


Nick Boserio is The Skateboarding Jesus

This clip from a little Nike SB trip to China is just more proof, as far as I’m concerned.

The YouTube Goon Squad agrees, too:

nick boserio borat shreds Nick Boserio is The Skateboarding Jesus

It’s an interesting trio to take — on the one hand you’ve got Zigram23, the most technically advanced skateboarding Terminator ever designed. Then you’ve got, as I said, the skateboarding Jesus, and finally, Alex Campbell, a… uh… skateboarding… skateboarder? What does it all mean? What’s the common thread? Well, they’re all Australian, of course. The Aussies Take China Tour. I’m not sure if that’s what the name of the tour actually was, but in any case… it should have been.

The most important thing to take away from this clip, though, I think, is every one of Nick Boserio’s tricks. Dude is just fucking killing it. That bomb he throws over the corner in that paradise of a skate spot at 3:32 is just unreal. What ever it is about his maniac, seconds-from-death style really tickles my skateboarding bone.


Big Pants, Little Tires

john cardiel bloody Big Pants, Little Tires

If you haven’t watched John Cardiel’s SOTY part in a while, you buggin’. And if you’ve never seen it in the first place, you really buggin’ hard. Like Starship Troopers level buggin’ up in this bitch.

Keep in mind this part is originally from 1992. 20 years ago, and if you saw this shit go down today you’d still be blown out of your pot leaf all-over-print socks.

Basically, it’s a succinct, and often breathtaking reminder of why John Cardiel is now recognized as a true god of skateboarding. And not some kind of demigod either, because we’ve got plenty of those too. But outside of Cardiel, there is a very short list of names that could be comfortably compared at the same level and I think almost all of them are “Mark Gonzales.”


Skateboard Smash Up

I didn’t catch any of these videos Thrasher’s been putting up of their tour with Spitfire from the mag this month. But having a backlog of them to go through was a pretty good way to start my day. The section at the stair spot that the latter half of the clip resides in features some of the most insane skreet skateboarding I think I’ve ever seen. I’m serious. The level of talent on these motherfuckers is just absurd. If Ishod wasn’t so damn stylish, I’d swear he was a Terminator.

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That weird, green snakey bowl complex they skate earlier on is pretty wacko, too. Who built that thing?! It’s total madness. The whole thing looks like a hallucination.

In other skateboarding video news, Polar put out an edit from their Bum Rush The Spot day at the BQE. Some pretty fucking heavy skateboarding went down, to say the least, especially if you know how hard all that shit actually is to skate.

One clip on the big quarter in the back… hah, go figure.


Hell is a Halfpipe

There’s a lot to be learned from this.

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Like, every trick in it, for starters. Sheeit. Seriously, this is some of the best pool skating I’ve seen. Maybe it’s just because I haven’t been skating enough and I’m really jonesing for it, so this clip is kind of doing that thing to me that happens in cartoons where a starving guy’s friend starts looking like a turkey dinner. I don’t know. But whatever it is, I like it, and like Anthony Bourdain, I’m hungry for more.


Nose Candy

Saw this on the Bronze tumblr and pretty much had to post it as I’m compiling a list of tricks I’ll never do on the new bank to ledge under the BQE. I think Billy McFeely’s switch nosegrind here pretty much completes the list. Yep, I think that’s all of ‘em. All the skateboard tricks, I mean. Every trick, ever, is on that list.

billy mcfeely switch nosegrind bqe Nose Candy

Wowzers. The dude’s good.

Other amazing feats, nay, nearly miraculous events, captured in this photo? The fact that the new bank to ledge is even still there in the first place!


For better or for worrest

More proof stacking up for my “Skaters With Tattoos Are Just Better” thesis thanks to this part from Bobby Worrest, Daniel Kim and Tim McDermott from Stop Fakin’ 2. The evidence is staggering, it’s just a matter of rounding it all up in one place that can subsequently be reblogged into oblivion by teenaged girls and other grown men with crushes on other grown men, you know? Anyway, I’ll be working on that essay right after I finish my fabled “The Essential Skaters With Casts Compendium.”

yeah right For better or for worrest

That last line alone is just… the stuff of legend. Love the way that shove-it out of the noseslide kind of just floats down to his feet. The whole thing is a magnum opus of style and control. Holy MC-in-Modus level, amiright?


Could you point me to the do-it-yourself section?

Shiver me timbers, this is the type of shit I love! 5BORO took a trip out to the faraway land of Newark, New Jersey with Willy Akers and Rob Gonyon to skate a pretty incredible DIY spot hidden away in what appears to be an abandoned warehouse or airplane hanger or some shit. There’s definitely gotta be some paranormal activity going on by night, what with all the paranormal skateboarding going on by day.

Somebody, like me, only with much more money, should do this in Brooklyn. Get a warehouse, build something crusty and homemade and cool… like this. Like the BQE spot on steroids, or balt salts, or whatever’s crazier. Something that looks a little different from the warehouse TFs of the greater Los Angeles area with loads of charm. Only key holders (and, obviously, whatever dirt bags they choose to occasionally bring along) would have access, and to be a key holder you’d have to pitch in, build something, bring some shit in… stock the fridge with beer… something. In some ideal world, every key holder would pay some small amount of dues that could help cover rent and you’d have a paradise where you could hang out, drink beers while you skate, perhaps even take part in other more illicit activities while you skate, all in the comfort and privacy of a cold, dusty warehouse. Hey, a boy can dream.


If you build it, they will come

As the 2012 Presidential Election draws near, much of the population is captivated by the country’s political climate. Me, on the other hand, I stay focused on the skateboarding landscape. In fact, I consider it my personal civic duty to inform my audience, such that it is, of developments in the current skateboarding landscape, like the new bank to ledge under the BQE in Brooklyn, for example. Big thanks to the Polar Skate Co crew, along with KCDC Skate Shop and all the local, bridge-lurking talent that came together to improve one of Brooklyn’s best spots / places to stealthily take a leak if you’re in the neighborhood and really can’t hold it anymore.

And speaking of… all inquiries regarding the precise volume of piss and shit that is now encased within this concrete masterpiece should be directed to the aforementioned parties.

bqe lot bank to ledge If you build it, they will come

For years, the BQE Lot has been a mainstay DIY spot in the heart of Williamsburg. It remains one of the few places in the city where transitionally-inclined dudes wrapped in flannel and high-water Dickies can shred really, really rough concrete, powerslide through human fecal matter, or get broke off on a 2 foot wide disintegrating quarterpipe. The considerable difficulty that comes in skating obstacles that cars have repeatedly backed over is obviously part of the place’s charm, but something tells me this absolutely pristine bank to ledge will quickly become the spot’s main attraction. Until the city tears it out, anyway. Hopefully that doesn’t happen… I mean, bums have probably died there without anybody noticing.

bqe lot bank to ledge2 If you build it, they will come

There was talk from one Fred Gall that they might bowl out the corner… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. As it is, the recent addition is far and away better than the entire McCarren Skate Park mere blocks away. Plus there are fewer bikers. Actually, fuck the bank to ledge. There are fewer bikers. What else do you even need to hear?

I took these shots with my phone, so the quality is even crappier than my night shots usually turn out. Crappiness is an appropriate theme to be working under whenever you’re talking about the BQE Lot, though, considering it recently stole the “King of Filth” crown from the LES park, following that particular under-the-bridge spot’s total overhaul this summer.

Anyway, if you’ved skated the BQE Lot, you’ll know that everything attached to your body will quickly become covered in sand, unidentifiable grime, or worse, identifiable dead bird parts. Accordingly, some speck of shit found its way onto my phone’s camera lens. After it manifested itself into a monstrous lens flare in my first shot, I attempted to clean the lens, only making it even dirtier in the process, as mandated by BQE Lot law. So it goes. Skateboarding, like anything worth doing, really, involves getting a little dirty.

In any case, Polar, KCDC, and Converse are putting on a “bum rush the spot” style contest / mob scene / cop magnet there today at 4pm so all the hometown heroes can sample the new terrain. Be there, or be somewhere less crowded. Once the tweens thin out, there’s an after party at KCDC’s new location (85 N. Third Street) at 7pm, where you won’t have to hide your beer behind a pillar amongst a bunch of trash and cinderblocks.



This seems like it would be an unpleasant experience.

Better get those breaks tuned up, kid.

Probably should have at least tried to speed float it. There’s a reason late-term abortions are illegal in 36 states, and I think this is a good example of what that reason is. The poor boy waited to bail until it was much too late… or too early perhaps, but either way, it was the wrong time to change his mind. You couldn’t make this set of stairs, now you have to lie on them? I don’t know.


Skateboarding: I be lovin' you

Here’s a quick clip from the Ride Channel, featuring Lance Mountain and some of the Flip young bloods killing Tony Hawk’s pool. Tony’s still got it, by the way, and Riley Hawk is there as well, ripping, obviously, because he grew up in that thing for fuck’s sake. Oh, and Arto Saari kinda chills in the background documenting the proceedings. Basically, it’s an afternoon with the gods.

It also features a very compelling argument for the viability of those goddamn plastic banana boards that are so popular right now. Not that I have any interest in skating one considering I don’t have any particular need to make this skateboarding shit harder for myself, but if you’re incredible or whatever, apparently it can be done.

Maybe it’s dorky, but videos like this really warm the blackened, charred remains of my heart. There might even be an ember glowing in there now. For one thing, that setup the Birdman’s got in his backyard is nothing short of dream-worthy (not to mention drool-worthy… drooling over it while dreaming about it, waking up stuck to the pillow, even). And I ain’t talkin’ about the pool, either — you dudes catch a glimpse of that play place? Damn son, you know I’d be doing backflips off the swings, hitting that slide up, all that shit. Fuckin’… party at my house, ya dig?

Okay, jokes, the pool’s obviously fucking insane. I guess that’s video game money for you. Bagel Bites didn’t pay for that, I’ll tell you that much.