Screenshorts

12.06.2011

I've seen shit that'll turn you white!

One of my favorite moments in cinema, to be sure.

ray stantz cigarette Ive seen shit thatll turn you white!

Dan Aykroyd in Ghostbusters, 1984

09.19.2011

Give me a time and a place, and I'll kill everybody there

In the interest of speed, here’s everything you need to know about the fast and furious Drive in 60 seconds.

gta drive1 Give me a time and a place, and Ill kill everybody there

It’s probably the closest thing to a film adaptation of GTA: Vice City there will ever be. Although for all the violence critics are shouting about, there’s unfortunately no chainsaw scene… but there’s always hope for the sequel, I suppose.

ryan gosling drive Give me a time and a place, and Ill kill everybody there

ryan gosling drive21 Give me a time and a place, and Ill kill everybody there

Still… The Notebook, this is not.

gta drive2 Give me a time and a place, and Ill kill everybody there

In Grade 1, having been heavily influenced by the film Rambo, he brought steak knives to school and threw them at other children during recess.

excerpt from Wikipedia’s entry on Ryan Gosling

Ahhh, it’s all starting to make sense now.

08.31.2011

Episode IV: NOOO Hope

Although I grew up well-acquainted with The Force, as far as sci-fi/fantasy trilogies go I’m really more of a Lord of the Rings guy. What can I say, Middle Earth is a hell of a lot more scenic than the blackest depths of the Dagobah system. And let’s be honest, full-heartedly repping both trilogies would result in such a culmination of staggering dorkiness that I think my pants would automatically hike up an extra 6 inches and tape would suddenly appear around my glasses. Anyway, while this hardly classifies as news, since George Lucas has built a bit of a reputation for ruining his own franchises, it’s gotten just too damn amusing not to comment on.

Despite the fact that Darth Vader’s anguished “NOOOOOO!!!” from Episode III: Revenge of the Sith was one of the silliest and rightfully-mocked moments amongst three prequels full of moments deserving mockery, George Lucas has gone back and lost his mind in the editing room once again, this time for the rerelease of the original trilogy on Blu-ray. Through some misguided attempt at achieving pointless symmetry between the two trilogies, Lucas now has Vader shouting his infamous “NOOOOO!!!” when Palpatine electrocutes Luke Skywalker’s light-side-of-the-force-having ass. It’s hilarious. And also sad. But mostly hilarious.

No… no, indeed. Darth’s first “no” sounds like he just smelled a whiff of dog shit, while the second “no” sounds like he just realized he stepped in the dog shit.

To be clear, that video is not pulled from the Blu-ray. It’s a sort of “mock up” a fan made, using the DVD footage and dubbing in the new Blu-ray audio. Nonetheless, what a way to turn a great scene into a campy parody of itself. Just like the mighty Death Star, it seems George Lucas too cannot be allowed to exist in the Star Wars universe.

star wars comic1 Episode IV: NOOO Hope

star wars no comic2 Episode IV: NOOO Hope

Gratuitous? Yes. Looks like I’m feeling a little Lucasartsy-fartsy myself — I just couldn’t stop myself.

08.13.2011

Home Remedies

florida teen myths Home Remedies

Note to self: Never have sex with an alligator who took sex-ed in Florida.

08.11.2011

Fat woman, my ass!

Since I’ve got a lot left to do before the Skate Mental / Wayne’s World deck is finished, let’s start off the day with some screenshots from Kung Fu Hustle, not only one of the best kung-fu movies for the armchair kung-fu enthusiast, but also easily the funniest.

kung fu hustle2 Fat woman, my ass!

kung fu hustle1 Fat woman, my ass!

Oh, and as an added bonus…

If you haven’t seen the movie, fear not… although that scene is a particularly glorious moment for Kung Fu Hustle, it is really quite hard to choose a best scene. My apologies if you feel like it was kind of “Snape killed Dumbledore” of me to post that clip anyway. You should still watch the movie if you haven’t seen it, and you should probably watch it again even if you have.

08.08.2011

The Dark Knight Wears Prada

anne hathaway in dark knight rises The Dark Knight Wears Prada

the joker dark knight The Dark Knight Wears Prada

The Joker: …You have no style or sense of fashion…

Catwoman: I think that depends on…

The Joker: No, no, that wasn’t a question.