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Personally, there hasn’t been anything from Vans this spring that has really tempted me to spend some money, and not even just because I own far too many sneakers as it is. Nonetheless, these are super sick.

Not sure if I’m sold on the zipper on the back yet though… kinda weird. But the combination of nubuck and leather looks great, anyway. The leather laces are a nice touch, too. A simple update on a classic — can’t go wrong. Well, except for maybe the whole zipper thing. Although at least then you might not have to untie your shoes to take them off, which would actually be kind of awesome. Almost like Sk8-Hi clogs… cool! I think!

Killer lighter, huh?

What better way to set ablaze your favorite brand of death stick? Or, if you’re into less lethal blends, what better way to fire off the bong? Although, come to think of it, that’s still a pretty deadly habit. If I ever get caught smoking grass, my mom will totally kill me.

In sum, puns are stupid, but this lighter is cool (if you like getting fingered by TSA agents at the airport, anyway.)

Rick Ross may have popularized the notion of selling drugs with an iPhone, but, like many of the former correctional officer’s life decisions, rapping about performing illegal activities using a device with a built-in GPS and billing account tied to your name probably wasn’t made under the soundest judgment. Drugs and technology combine in all kinds of wonderful ways, and those wonderful ways are very different things depending if your paychecks are mailed from a law enforcement agency or not.

Nonetheless, here is another match-up of drugs and technology that doesn’t really make that much sense. This USB optical mouse has a built-in digital scale that can measure an object from 0.1g to 500g, which is obviously an adequate range to weigh skull key-chains with glowing orange eyes, and probably other small items too, like little plastic bags full of drugs, for example. It sure seems like a cute concept, until you realize it’s almost completely pointless, even for those inclined to Facebook under the influence. Hell, if it wasn’t for the mouse cursor, it’d be literally pointless too

Maybe I’m just cynical. I could see it being useful if you’re doling out performance-enhancing powders to your guild in Everquest, I guess. Or if you’re like countless other self-employed Americans out there, supporting your home business with some harmless crack sales on the side.

Beyond that, I suppose it’s a stealthy way to hide your scale if you still live in your parents’ basement and you don’t want your mom to discover how you afforded all those Doctor Who action figures while she’s dusting Dorito debris off your desk. Otherwise, it just seems like a strange combination of technologies that really don’t have that much to do with each other. It’s not like walking around with a USB mouse in your pocket is all that discreet. Although the last thing anybody will assume you are is a drug dealer, so maybe that was the plan all along. “Sell drugs? No sir, I’m just heading to an all-night LAN tournament with my buddies who are absolutely not coked up… yet.”

Ultimately, I’m going to call this one a miss. Personally, I’m waiting for the second generation when they include either a USB-powered lighter or a razor that pops out like a memory card.

Despite a long-running affliction at the hands of sneaker and hat collecting, to date I’ve managed to restrain myself from writing about consumer interests on the blog. Today, my will has broken. Or perhaps apathy just took over. Either way, there’s no denying it. A deep-seated obsession with sneakers is a part of me — a lame part that will keep me forever unfulfilled, perhaps — but a part of me nonetheless, so why not air it out on Dedleg with the rest of my dirty laundry?

I shot this photo of Alex Olson doing a very apropos wallride on a Vans ad at the DQM demo last month. Shooting skateboarding is hard! Unfortunately, I cut Meza’s feet off… so much for that skate photography career I’ve been pursuing so passionately.

Maybe I’m a weirdo, but I’ve only ever skated in Vans. After having happily destroyed a decade’s worth of sneakers, I can honestly say I’m something of a diehard Vans aficionado. And as I got older, and occasionally felt compelled to not look like a total fucking dirtbag, my sneaker collection expanded well beyond the realm of strictly functional skateboarding footwear. A simple pair of Half Cabs or Sk8-His will always be safe choices for the aging skate rat, but between the OTW, California, Syndicate, and Vault collections, Vans has a fucking treasure trove of classy models in quality materials for anybody looking to get their grown-ass man on.

This fall’s Vans Vault releases are some of the label’s most fearsome offspring to date. Indeed, it was the Sk8-Hi LX “Premio” pack that pretty much forced my hand to publish this post. Maybe I’m still a little afraid to come out of the closet when it comes to my sneaker collection, but for this pair of shoes, I think I could do it. The Sk8-Hi is a classic, dress it up in rich burgundy leather and even the grimiest skater bois will be impressing girls’ parents.

The Priz Laced LX is a new style in the Vault collection out this August, and offers a silhouette a bit more refined than what you might find amongst their core line. Between the toe-cap and two-tone design they’ve almost got a European-look to them, only without the track suit and lost expression on the Subway.

Anyway, I think that got dorky enough for one day. And I swear, I’m not just posting this shit because Dedleg’s birthday is coming up or anything…